Jade, I'm really sorry I upset you more. I feel really bad, I didn't mean to downplay what you're going through if I did. It must take a lot for you to even give a damn about helping me. I will try to be more careful.
Grasshopper, I have obviously upset you as well. You are angry at me, like my H is. I'm sorry that all you got out of my post was that you felt insulted by my attempt to empathize with you. If you don't want to help you don't have to. I think my attempt to understand your wife and give you some hope that you will be able to trust her again backfired. I am very aware that I have come to a board of very hurt people and that I am asking for your and their help. In your first reply you seemed interested in our situation and your responded nearly completely with a comparison to you and your wife. I just thought that you wanted me to do the same. I do value what you say to me. I don't want to sound self righteous, and I don’t think that I am. I don't think anything would be accomplished by pretending that I have not moved on from the A. In fact if I hadn't I think we'd be a much worse spot.
I will stand by my H as you say as he goes through this. But I don't know how to do that. For example what is the right response when yesterday he asked me very specific details about the sex with OM? These are the times that I have no idea what to do. When he is clearly sad, I am aware that it probably about my A, and I ask him how he is doing, and is there anything I can do and try to be close to him. Is this right? I don't know what 'stand by him' means in words or actions.
