The hurt and the pain are unbelievable. The anger is also a big part of that. In my case the A made me feel worthless, unneeded, like all the special good times that we have had in the past were a farce. I didn't and couldn't see that my anger was driving a wedge between us. I used the anger to put all the blame on her for our sitch. The anger wouldn't let me see otherwise. I wish someone would have asked me a couple of easy question to put things into perspective, and maybe when we were talking to a C that happened. The simple question I wish someone would have asked (when I wasn't so angry) was "What are you trying to have happen by being angry?" and "What do you hope to accomplish by being angry?" For me that would have made me start thinking and stop feeling for a while to see what I was doing and how that wasn't helping anything, myself included.

After venting and releasing some of the anger was when I would actually feel the feelings that where behind my anger. That was when the pain started to seep back in. That was also the time when I wanted to feel loved again by my W. When I wanted to have some affection.

I know that it doesn't help you to be more affectionate, but at least you can see some of the weird logic behind his actions. BTW, I have learned a lot from what I use to think and know.

I also have a few questions for you. How long did the A last? What brought you back to your H? Sorry if I seem nosy, but I have a strong dose of curiosity I'm forever fighting.

"Our life is what our thoughts make it." Marcus Aurelius