Well, fortunatly for me I'm not as bad off as your H seems to be, but let me see if I can help some and then let others who are closer to being the same add their stories.
Quote: Lately H has been having a very difficult time, it started getting bad in the last couple of months.
I'm curiouse, has something happened during this time, or something changed that cause this sudden change, or has it built up to it or something?
I'm sure he doesn't 'want' to hold onto it and would like to forget it. If he is angry though, then when it passes through his mind he gets hurt. With most men Hurt=Angry unless they are willing to just deal with the hurt. If not, it keeps getting covered by the anger and never really delt with.
Unfortunatly, your H is going to have to deal with and solve this problem within himself. He is the only one who can. It does worry me a little you guys have done the C thing and there are still issues. All I would know to tell you at this point is to continue to try and validate his feelings and just be patient and give him time. Time will help it. I'm sure you have said sorry, etc... There is nothing else you can do, just let him say what he has to when he has to and try not to make it any worse.
Quote: If, after his angry and hurt feelings have passed, he tries to hug or kiss me or be close in any way, I find myself unable to reciprocate.
I believe what he is telling you about this is true. IMHO, when this happens, he tears his own ego down a little thinking about the A. After he gets it all out, then he needs you to be with him to feel like you do want him and love him. Men know, for the most part, what sex means to a woman, especially when they known they have pleased the woman in every way. This is the biggest ego boost. I think he needs that to regain a good feeling about himself where you are concerned.
All also understand where your coming from and I think you communicated that very well to him. I would stand your ground on what you said to him and just do what you can do to support him. Maybe he will come to realize, that to get that ego boost, or make him feel better and connected to you, he needs to change his approach about how to handle is feelings about the A.
Anyone else?
Learn to laugh at it. People are people and everyone is human. Choose how you will act and don't re-act.
