Not one affair, but anothe OW in the wings!

[ReDesigner]

Dear Rere,
Thank you for setting me back on the DB track. Yes, I have and re-read Divorce Remedy often. Yes, I was planning to move out this month. We are in the same house because it's not sold. My daughter is starting a new school in the area we hoped to live to be closer to town. It is far from our current house. My husband refused to move out because he said we can't afford it. It's true, but I got some cash from friends and relatives, since I don't have a steady job and I'm going to use that for rent. The rest I hope will come from the separation agreement and any work I can scrape up.

I am trying to get on with my life, but it's summer here and not much going. I'm working however, on launching a business that doesn't exist here. I'm very excited about that and have found partners to work with me in the planning stages. We just moved to this city about 2 years ago, so we don't have many close friends yet. Everyone we know is far away in this city or way out of town. I've also been working out now for almost 2 years and I've never looked so buff or felt so fit in about 20 years! Sorry to say, my husband doesn't look this good, but obviously, there are women who think he does!

Today is my spouse's birthday. He chose not to get me anything for my birthday in April and I was thinking of giving him the same. I broke down and gave him a funny card. My daughter insisted on showering him with gifts. I helped her including picking out gifts, but did not put my name to anything. I did give him a big hug and praised him this morning because he was invited to do an interview on the radio. He did a great job, so I let him know. He responded by hugging me back, but would not let me kiss him on the lips. This was the first time he hugged me back and I was surprised, but we hugged in front of our daughter, so maybe it was just a show. It's hard to say.

I dare not be too optimistic. However, I will take your visualization suggestions on board. I remember what it was like to be a happy couple. I often dream that this is what it is, then I wake-up... My H has re-written our history and refuses to acknowledge anything good about us. He has cast everything about me in a negative light and everything I do in a worse light. I wanted to move because I can't take the verbal abuse, the name-calling and the emotional abuse of affairs.

Yes, we have been to Imago counselling. My husband walked out when our daughter was 6 and then we reconciled, but not completely and correctly. Our Imago counselling only lasted for 3 months, then we couldn't afford it because my husband refused to claim the expenses under his health insurance. We could have lasted longer had he done this. We were just getting to the issues he was holding in for such a long time, too. We discovered he has sex and love addiction and I believe that it's come out again with this last most serious affair. He refuses to attend any counselling with me. I've been going on my own for 9 months to a marriage-friendly counsellor. I'm also well-read now in the area, but still discovering lots every day - especially on this board. My husband doesn't speak to others about his interior life, only to the two people who don't know him well and are distorting our reality.

Thank you so much for reminding me about our thoughts creating our reality. It is so true and I must practice it more effectively! I saw Dr. Dyer's PBS show and was thoroughly impressed with the notions, so maybe I'd better get out of my dumps and work on that. I'm still packing though. Even if things work out, there is still room in my new apt. to accommodate my H if he breaks up with the OW and decides to come home to his family.

Cautiously optimistic,
TS