Of course you can DB with all the other women in the wings. That's the whole point. I find it very hard to believe your H is gaga over ow#1 if he has an ow#2.
Anyway, what you really need to do is determine what you want. If you decide you cannot get over two As, then so be it. Believe me, I know how hard it is to get over two.
But, if you decide you still love your H and want things to work out, you are going to need to dig deep and find a way to truly forgive him and understand the role you both played in the unraveling of your M. I struggle with this at times, but I think it was a crucial step in my H and I rebuilding our M. That doesn't mean it's our fault our Hs went out and cheated. It just means understanding why they did what they did--an overreaction to not having some of their needs met.
At some point, one of you is going to have to be the bigger person. In my M it was me. I told my H how sorry I was for taking him for granted and not caring about all the things that stressed him out. Eventually he came around and stopped doing some of the things that drove me nuts. Change won't happen overnight, but it can happen.
I'm a little confused by your sitch but it appears you are still living together. I would recommend staying under the same roof as long as possible. It gets exponentially harder to repair your M when one of you moves out.
As for the two ow, take heart. You've had 24 years with your H and they will never know him as you have. That's a lot of history to compete with.
