I think I'm having a hard time explaining how I achieved my current success because I am having a hard time understanding it myself. My marriage has changed a great deal. My H's behavior has changed dramatically and I am so much happier now than I was before that it doesn't even feel like the same relationship to me. I guess that I am assuming that the change in my H's behavior must be due to a change in his perspective and the change in his perspective must be due to a change in my behavior which must be due to a change in my perspective etc.etc.-LOL. So I'm trying to explain the change in my perspective but I am having a hard time doing it.
If I continue on with my religious analogy (which I hope doesn't offend anyone). Let's say that you truly believe that sex is a good thing and you are trying to preach the gospel of sex in your marriage. If your spouse is resistant or defensive then you should take this as a sign that you are not getting the message across and you need to figure out how to be a better messenger, not that your message is wrong or that you should stop preaching. Instead of focusing on the fact that it is unfair that you can't have sex because your spouse won't, focus on the fact that it is unfortunate that your spouse isn't having sex because you haven't been able to communicate your message adequately. For instance, if I stop "preaching" sex because my H tells me I am "too fat" then I am like a preacher who stops preaching because his feelings were hurt because he overheard somebody in the congregation saying that his sermon was boring. In fact, if I truly believe that sex is a wonderful thing then I would even be happy if my H was finally able to hear the message with another woman, just like a truly devout preacher would be happy to hear that the bored member of his congregation was able to find religion in another church if he was unable to figure out how to be less boring.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
