Quote: If I care about messing up, how I will appear to others, or the worst, care about how she will react to whatever courageous step I take, Ill never move forward, or have success.(courageous for me --it doesnt matter if its easy for others, or if others tell me its impossible) I would be focused on everything other then what I really need to be focused on. Myself.
I pretty much agree with you, however I would say that in order to be truly courageous you shouldn't focus on "yourself" you should focus on "doing the right thing". The "right thing" might not be what would make your W happy or feel secure at the moment or even what would make you happy or feel secure at the moment. For instance, if you were a HDM in a SSM you would be much more likely to be successfully Alpha in your behavior if you were thinking "Sex between a husband and his wife can be a wonderful thing." than if you were thinking "I deserve some sex.". No matter how much you f*ck up or how much flak you get from your wife you can maintain your belief in the first premise without having to be defensive. It's your faith that there is such a thing as heaven that will win converts to your camp, not your ability to demonstrate that you are free of sin and therefore deserving of such a destination. The reason people have SSM's is that nobody in the marriage truly believes that sex is a good thing to the extent that they are willing to stand up for that belief. The problem isn't HD vs.LD but rather not-HD-enough vs. not-HD-enough.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
