Scheduled Success

[MJontheMend]

Its pretty obvious why these women are so hot for their H's. Thats why I like hearing about their exchanges so much, so I can see what a alpha male looks like.
Other then looking in the mirror. LOL. sheesh I kill me.

LOL- I think you are on the right track but you are missing an important point. It is a turn-off for a man to be placating but if a man is so unwilling to be placating that he sees responding to his wife's sexual desire as a placating move then he is forever going to be "chopping off his nose to spite his face". This became so clear to me when I finally got so fed up that I said some things to my H along the lines of "I am so sick of wondering whether or not I'm going to get laid I would rather just agree to not have sex for the next 3 monthes." and his response was to instantly initiate sex. My H would have the same sort of response to a woman who he perceived as trying to control him by withholding sex as he had to me because his perception was that I was trying to control him by demanding sex. It is interesting to note that other men on this BB have conjectured that I was unconsciously using my high sex drive to "compete" with my H. IMO this is a thoroughly misguided attempt to assign male psychology to my behavior but by understanding that men naturally see "ambition" or "desire" or "drive" in terms of competitive behavior, I was able to figure out what I was doing wrong. I really wasn't trying to compete with my H but I was giving him that signal because I am naturally ambitious. The message I needed to send out strong and clear was "I am not your competition. I am on YOUR team. You will be serving YOUR OWN BEST INTERESTS by caring for me.".

Part of the reason I had trouble with doing this in the past is that I saw my H as not being very ambitious. I felt like I always had to come up with a plan because he either didn't have one or was unwilling to communicate it to me. But by always being the one who came up with the plan I was taking on too much responsibility and too much control in an effort to relieve the anxiety I might feel at the thought of floating through life without a plan. Therefore, I had to follow the rule of thumb which is that you always have to do the thing that is hardest for you to do in order to grow. Type 7 me had to stop making plans.

Basically, this is what I've been doing lately- not making plans. I guess I'm doing it right because I don't feel depressed or repressed but actually rather relaxed and mildly curious about what life might bring. Since I no longer am taking so much responsibility for the direction of my marriage, it is dead easy for me to communicate to my H that if his plan for the future includes being with me then he ought to include some regular sex in the mix because I am now somebody with preferences rather than plans.