Quote: you have let go of the reins and let your H take care of you IN HIS WAY...
This was basically my theory also. I am happy that you were able to independently confirm it for me and thereby satisfy my nerdy need to know- LOL. I like your use of the phrase "let go of the reins" also. I've had trouble describing my current successful modus operandi because I can't come up with a word to describe it that doesn't have a negative connotation. If I say that I've been more "passive" or "submissive" it seems like I've made myself into more of a doormat rather than less of one. The best I can come up with is that I've been striving to be more self-disciplined but less ambitious. In our culture we are taught that the way to achieve happiness and self-esteem is to set a goal and then work hard to achieve it and then we will be happier and have more self-esteem as a result. Howver, if we are always exercising self-discipline in the pursuit of personal goals (even if these are superficially selfless goals such as running the PTA or working to save wildlife) we are sort of making ourselves into valuable property that is highly mortgaged. OTOH, if we can be self-disciplined without ambition then we are more like money in the bank.
If I accept the premise that I want to be in a relationship with a man who is operating in Alpha mode then I need to ask myself what anyone operating in Alpha mode would want in a relationship. If you are in Alpha mode you don't want to be with somebody who is lacking self-discipline and self-worth. They are useless to themselves and a liability to everyone else with whom they are in relation. You also don't want to be with someone who is using all or most of their own resources in pursuit of their own ambitions or somebody who is only able to be self-disciplined in pursuit of their own ambitions because being in relationship with someone like this can only benefit you to the extent that you share common goals. My theory is that Alpha men want to be with women who are highly self-disciplined and derive their self-worth from this self-discipline itself rather than from the specific result or reward for the self-discipline. This is a sort of 19th century virtue which isn't really taught to anyone these days. The best example I can think of is the heroine of "Bleak House" by Dickens.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
