I also love the sex-as-a-marriage-ritual concept. WTG to your H for not balking at the ritual...that shows a tremendous amount of working through the issues. I was thinking that NOP's ingredients for an affair, namely entitlement, resentment, and disrespect, are also the problem areas that create distance and stubbornness and inability to compromise. The affair can just be a fantasy of escape. When you repair those areas, the solution becomes simple. It's amazing to me just how much resentment my H has held against me ( and me to him as well) and how far back it goes...he recently told me that he felt the reason I wanted to marry him is that I wanted to be a Bridezilla. And the thing is, there is a kernel of truth to it...I did get caught up in the whole bride thing, but that was not the whole picture. He somehow felt neglected in the process and true to form did not say anything. So little instances of miscommunication and hurt feelings all build up to create a marriage that feels more like punishment than partnership. What a step in the right direction you and H are making...truly wanting to make the marriage work... I am so happy for you!
