This concept-- sex as a bonding ritual in marriage-- is brilliant. Every word of that original post is brilliant.
I also like the serious tone of the post, and your second post explains why... the idea of leaving a marriage over sex sounds so flippant, and I have maintained all along that when people want to leave a marriage over sex, there's a lot more than lack of sex going on. There's a lack of honoring each other's values about the need for ritual bonding. The serious tone of your first post acknowledges this-- that the SSM is not just about sex. It's about having a major value of yours disregarded by your spouse.
It's as if the Christmas tree was THE most important thing about the Christmas season to you, and your spouse refused to go with you to buy one, decorate one, or even sit in the same room with one. It's not about the tree; it's about his/her refusal to honor something YOU value.
This is soooo good... such a fruitful concept. Very very deep. It partially explains why I want to stay with my bf in spite of the dearth (okay, lack) or sex-- we have many shared bonding rituals and we relate to each other a lot throughout the day. We are totally congruent on day to day shared lifestyle values-- and that's not an easy thing to find. In fact, I've never found it before precisely like this. I means that the lack of sex looms smaller (huh?) than in a relationship where there are fewer connections and connecting sexually looms larger by relative comparison.
Brilliant, Mojo. This is why you get the big bucks.
I think everyone here will find some value in your idea.
I wonder if CeMar and his W have no shared rituals/values that really connect them outdise of the bedroom, so that makes him desperate for connection in the bedroom...
I'm running your idea past all the sitch's here...
