I too, have found a lot of plusses for the whole scheduled idea that I never really thought about. We have an arrangement to have sex every Thursday night. At first, my wife agreed to this whole idea and then threw a giant hissy fit about it and didn't react real well, but as the weeks continue she has grown more accustomed to the idea. I wish she was enjoying it more, but I understand that at this point she is simply doing it to make me happy and (hopefully) she'll enjoy it more as time continues. She says it's a matter of baby steps and right now all she is doing all she can do by just allowing it to happen. That is a lot pf progress coming from someone that last year could not even be touched, so... while I wish it could be better, I am working to accept her going along as progress.
But to some benefits.. I used to really struggle with initiating as I knew that I would most likely be turned down. This was a big blow to me and then followed with the whole "when can I try again?" thought. Now, I know when I get to do it and I can focus in on that.
This has increased our sexual communication as we both know what is going on and when. More importantly, she knows when it WONT happen and that puts her at a lot more ease. She doesn't have to worry about coming home late to find me "waiting for her". She doesn't have to worry about me being grabby about body parts. If its not Thursday, it's not something that I can do.
It has helped her to know little things that I do, that are not meant to initiate. What I mean is there are alot of things that I do on a regualr basis that I think she thought I used to do to initiate, where I had no intention of initiating and this led to quite a bit of frustration for both of us. Now, I can do those things and she can learn that when I do them, I am NOT actually trying to initiate, it's just an normal thing. For instance, as I go to sleep, I love to put my hand on the small of her back where her shirt slips up a little. To me, it was just a simple way to connect with skin as I am nodding off and is comforting to me. To her, I was trying to shove my hand up her shirt, which is not at all what I was intending. And now with that "you don't have to worry about it, it's not Thursday" thing, she is learning that there are things I do, that are not meant as initiation.
Also for me, I am learning how to take the sexual "urges" and control them. This past Saturday, I was so dang horny I felt like I was going nuts. To make matters worse, for about 3 hours in the afternoon, all the kids were gone and my wife and I were home alone. We don't get that too often. But I knew that If I caved on my end of the deal, it would blow all that I had accomplished with this and it would break that trust that she doesn't have to worry about that part of the relationship on Saturdays. So I had to dig deep, and work through it... which is good for me. Prior to this arrangement I would have said to myself "Why not go for it... you may not have another chance for months and by not taking this opportunity, I am just hosing myself". In other words, if you are starving and you see food.. why not go for it? You never know when the food may come back! Whereas now, why take the chance to grab the cracker that you more than likely wont get, when you know there is a full meal a short hike away. Sure the meal may only be dried bread, and I wish it was a huge turkey dinner, but if I know its there, I can plot along to get it.
Plus, this has helped me to not focus on sex as much (giant shock!) It used to be all consuming. Now, I know it is pointless to dwell on it most days, as I can guarantee it wont happen. (Ok, sure it used to be like that all the time, but it didn't stop me from thinking about it) Now, I know what is going on, she knows what is going on and it seems to help in a lot of areas. Now, if I could just get her to enjoy it more.... I'll save that for another thread...
