Quote: And it's been the longest and most difficult time of my life needless to say.
We all understand, and we've all been there (are still there). It WILL get better, I promise.
Quote: We've been seeing a counselor immediately after everything came out and things seemed to have been progressing in the right way although he has yet to completely break off the relationship because of emotions that are involved with this OM.
No surprise here other than the immediate therapy. Are you both getting something out of this? Are you addressing your REAL issues, not just the affair? I ask this because if you were it may not have come as a shock when he moved out. I think in a case like many of us have, it's VERY easy to focus on the affair not only in counseling but in our minds. This is a cancer that can eat your soul. You need to set the affair aside and focus on you first, then the other issues in your marriage you can see were a problem. The affair is a symptom.
Quote: My H told me to give him a week and that he wouldn't see her for that time. Since then, he would see her with other friends to "take care of loose ends." It was usually a Sunday. He was coming home everyday and earlier than usual. I was happy for the next 3 weeks because he was coming home. We didn't bring up about the EMA because we wanted to focus on "us." Although he was coming home all this time he wasn't being as affectionate like the previous weeks. I kept on showing my affection, but nothing was reciprocated. When I asked him if anything was wrong, he said it was stress; from work as well as the home situation. Then out of the blue he told me yesterday that he signed a 6 month lease to rent a room because he felt like he was under house arrest.
Seems to me this is textbook behavior for a WAS that still cares for the LBS and doesn't want to hurt them any more. They feel guilty so they confess the affair but still want to continue it. It's a confusing time for them and I believe these kinds of WAS lie more than others because part of it is to hide their actions for the normal reasons (guilt, shame, excitment) and part is to spare us more pain. It's a pretty lame excuse but I think it's probably true to a certain extent. Remember, it's important to understand that this affair is not being done to hurt you, it's because it makes HIM feel better, better enough to risk hurting the ones he loves.
My W said and did pretty much the same thing and while she never left the house, she did have a talk with me after a long period of things being "better" where she told me basically that they were still "worse".
I think the important thing is for you to keep posting, reading and most of all, re-center your life on you and your kids. I think you need to allow yourself some time regroup but then make yourself GAL and pursue some new things, even if it's with the kids, to take your mind off things.
Your H said he felt trapped. Open the cage door. This won't work if you are still trying to pin him down. Do the best you can with YOU and if that's something he values, then he'll have to try to find a way back to it, if not, well, you can't force him to "get it".
There is ALWAYS hope but I really think we are our own worst enemies in this process. Please, work FOR what you want, not against what you don't. There IS a difference.
