Thank you for your words of encouragement. My H left today for training and I might not see him again before he leaves for Iraq. The 6 weeks leading up to today were so much harder than actually seeing him off. I feel relieved that the anticipation of him leaving is over. Let me give you some background on our situation....
My H is an E-5 in the Army Reserves. He has been called to active duty for 18 months and is deploying with a small detachment of only 13 people. I don't even know who his chaplain would be since there isn't one with his group. He was enlisted in the Navy when we were married 13 years ago, so we have been through deployments before. He was gone when both of our chidren were born which was very hard on me. I forced him to get out of the military when our youngest was only a few months old and that is one of the issues that has brought our marriage to this point. He has resented me ever since for taking that comraderie away, he missed the lifestyle that I had grown to hate. So about 3 years ago he met a woman at work that was an Army reservist, over time they developed a relationship and he decided to join the Army to be closer to her. Several months later he moved in with her and that is when I found DB. I know that were it not for the information and techniques that I found in that book I wouldn't be married today. Slowly I won him over and about 6 months after he left, he decided to come home. For that first year after he came home I was constantly on edge, evaluating every situation so that I could make the most of the opportunity I was given to make my marriage work. It didn't take long for me to realize that while he was at home and said that he didn't want to be anywhere else, he was not completely with me either. I know that he didn't see the OW or talk to her during that time but I think he was grieving for their relationship. That took a toll on me and I stopped trying so hard, until eventually we were right back in the same place we had been before he left.
That is where the new OW comes in. She is a friend of a friend, someone that my husband has known since high school. She is someone that he has never liked to be around, he has talked openly about how she is not a good mother and that she is very promiscuous. It isn't like he didn't know what he was getting involved with! This spring we started to see more and more of her, she started to come to dinner with my family and our mutual friends family every week. I was always there and was not in any way threatened by her because I knew very well what my H's impression of her was. In April I was promoted at work which required different schedules and more time spent away from home. It was something that my H and I talked about at length before I decided to take the offer, I was already concerned about how it would affect our marriage. The weekly dinners continued, just without me. And then I noticed that they were spending more and more time together, even taking a picnic with our children on Memorial Day. Looking back, that is when I should have put my foot down. But I chose to bury my head in the sand and that is when their relationship began. By then he had received his orders to deploy and I just can't understand what either of them hoped to gain by starting an affair 2 1/2 months before he had to leave.
I got a message that she sent to him on Wed that said, "Just wanted to say thanks for making this week suck. I wish I didn't love you." I can only hope that means that he didn't make time to spend with her in his last week before he left and that she is angry at him. I asked my H before he left to please tell her it was over and he did text her once to break it off, but she just replied with, "That's funny, that isn't what you said on Thursday." She knew that he wouldn't say that on his own and sent that response so that I would know they were together. I feel like he has gotten into a situation that he either doesn't know how or is choosing not to get out of. I know that where he is going is not a party, but he will be working 12 on 24 off and will have plenty of time to cultivate their relationship through email, IM or even webcam. How do I compete??
