My first reaction is of course anger RB. You always seem to hit the right nerve. Don't know why.
If he comes back and honestly starts making the right moves next weekend. I don't know how I could possibly turn him away.
I'm REALLY worried that if I make the wrong move now it'll be over and my girls and I are without him forever. I'm trying to get a feel for the sitch. I'm trying to wait and see how much he is feeling/doing. If I come off "half-cocked" at him. I know what he'll do . . he'll get REALLY mad and leave. That's his style. If he thinks I'm bluffing and puffing up at him. He'll take it all the wrong way and it'll all be over. I have to get my mind around somethings first. I have to come to terms with divorce before I even dare to fully get tough with him. I'M NOT THERE. Maybe I'm 10 feet up Mt. Everest and I've already gotten too tired . . . time to set up camp for awhile. I'm just hanging out. That's the truth. I'm not ready to get tough. I'm not really ready for anything. Too much has been thrown around in the past 3 months. Well almost 4 months I guess. My head is too spinny.
It's not the drama . . I'm not trying to stay in the spin cycle. Actually I'm trying to get a level head so I can get out of. I'm in enough of a spin cycle with my daughter I DAMN sure don't need it from my H. If I wanted drama and attention . . . I'd be all about Kiya. That's WAY more important . .
The difference is . . with Kevin I have options . . and I have to pick carefully. With Kiya . . I can only pray . . . and wait. I can't make the choice to fix it.
So "I'll REALLY try." is the best I can do right now. It's going to have to be good enough.
