Emily I went through the thyroid thing. Mine was not cancer, but I was told that if it was cancer that Thyroid cancer was the one to get. The outcome is very positive, and the synthetic drug you take because the thryroid does not work anymore will be fine, no side effects. She will be OK. Just be her friend and support her. This will be scary, but she should be OK. Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Don't call him, but do take his calls. Let him see the kids if he asks. Remember dog training rules - reward the good behaviors, ignore the bad. Resist your impulse to push, prod, punish, retaliate, etc. etc. Go about your life, answer his calls nicely but don't call him or pursue, go out and have fun with your girls, focus on being happy and thinlking about YOUR future plans with or without H.
Alright I'll get to the advice given in a minute! First let me tell you . . . My H called lastnight and was a TOTAL @$$hole! GRR! Ok . . . so he called at 11:00PM. He was in a horrible mood. He says things like, "I'm sorry that I don't feel like having a long convo with you at 11 at night." I said, "No I don't care . . . I'm ready for bed too."
and (this one REALLY pi$$ed me off) "I'd talk to you during the day but then my life would be miserable because of her." . . . SO in other words. I have to be OK with the fact that they are living together and sleeping together and such . . . but he can't talk to me AT ALL???? WTF??????????????????????????????????
He said she had been keeping her mouth shut more, they'd been getting along better. It hadden't been too bad lately. I said something to him about, "You don't have to come back to me if you don't want to you know?!?" He said, "I know. Don't you worry about her and stuff."
OH and he also got angry and said, "Don't act like I'm trying to ignore you." (this was following his comment about talking to me during the day.)
I am soooo frustraighted with him. I just want to tell him to forget the whole thing. I just want to tell him not to bother coming back. It's not fair that he'll cater around her now but is TOTALLY inconsiderate of my feelings.
I don't know if he's changed his mind again . . . or if he is trying to keep us both balanced or what. I am angry. I was angry lastnight too . . but I didn't say anything.
I don't plan on calling him . . . I doubt he'll call me under his own power. . He doesn't seem to care enough.
Tell me what you all think!!!!
Now then . .
Quote: Correct me if I am wrong.
Your H left for OW
You H smokes pot and pop diet pills and ritalin (which is actually speed. it makes hyper kids calm down b/c their brains work opposite to chemicals)
You have some anger. You are mad at your hubby and your past (mom)
Your daughter's health concerns you....as it should.
My suggestion, assuming I have read your situation correctly, take care of yourself and your child.
You got it right Jokerman! I think that he had to quit the drugs (I don't even know how often he did them . . . I know that he would occassionally have a story about one involving the diet pills or the ritalin.) when he started for Schneider . . . I know they drug test . . and cops can pull truckers over AT ANY TIME FOR ANY REASON. and sometimes they'll give a tox screen. He's not even allowed to go to a bar for the night while he is out in the truck. It was an issue last year though.
Quote: You cannot make this decision for him.
I know. I just wish he would make a decision and STICK WITH IT. One way or another. I'm sick of the yo-yo games.
Holly06 - Good to know! Thanks
kml - Thanks for the advice. I won't pursue him anymore. If he keeps calling in a bad mood though . . . I may just tell him to stuff it.
I mean he could be in a bad mood because he wants the sitch straightened out. I know he said he had a bad day "at work" yesterday. I just keep spectulating as to what is in his head . . and it gets me no where. It's hard for me not to care.
I still feel like I am losing a lot if I lose my marriage. Any thoughts?
Quote: I just wish he would make a decision and STICK WITH IT. One way or another.
Why don't YOU set a good example for him by making a decision and sticking with it?
A couple of weeks ago you seemed to have realized that your H wasn't ready for a relationship with you and you were going to have to leave him alone to work on his issues while you work on improving your life ... now you're calling him and complaining that he doesn't talk to you enough and you're all worried about whether or not you'll see him this weekend.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Quote: now you're calling him and complaining that he doesn't talk to you enough and you're all worried about whether or not you'll see him this weekend.
NO! Actually I called him Monday because I found out more info about Kiya. After that . . . I called him and left him a VM saying that I had some news and wanted to tell him if he had some time.
I have NOT pushed the R . . . I haven't pushed him about coming home. He called me and did all this again. I haven't been bother him . . and I MOST certainly didn't complain ABOUT ANYTHING. He was cranky and grumping AT ME ABOUT EVERYTHING. I just kept trying to validate what he was saying. I brought up nothing. I even tried to tell him he was free to leave me if that would make him happy.
Quote: Why don't YOU set a good example for him by making a decision and sticking with it?
I thought I had. I thought I had made the decision to stick with him through EVERYTHING. That's why I deal with his crap. I thought I had made the decision to wait on him making up his mind. Is that not right?
I guess we will just have to wait until this weekend and see exactly what steps he takes. If he does indeed drop her off and get his stuff, and come up here to see the girls. I will know what steps I would like to take. If he doesn't. I will TOTALLY back off. I will sever all contact with him and as someone said make him face all those demons by himself.
As I said he hasn't filed for the D yet. . . So I guess I have one wheel on the road and the other is just running in the gravel. My marriage is not totally in the ditch.
We'll see what moves he makes . . then I'll decide what moves to counter with. I can't make the decision before he does. I have definate boundaries in my head. As I said if he doesn't do what he said he would this weekend. . . I'll cut off all contact. TOTAL DARK! We'll see what happens. If he does drop her off and come see the girls I will continue this "friendship" with him.
I sure hope he makes the "right" decision. I'm worried sick. Don't worry I don't show him any of that. I play it pretty cool on the phone.
Well since I've made you cry now let me take a shot at pissing you off.
I realize I have missed a lot and I don't expect you to bring me up to date but I want to know why you even give that SOB the time of day.
Okay, so you updated him about the baby - great - but you know what? He should have called you! And if the b*tch in the truck with him has a problem with that and he caves in to her and doesn't call to check on his baby, well that ought to open your eyes to the fact he hasn't changed one damn bit.
Waiting...allowing him to go through, hell MAKING him go through this crap alone is what you have to do.
Waiting and being there for him WHEN HE GETS IT ALL STRAIGHT is ALL you need to do.
Until then, do not talk to him, Emily.
Make it clear to Kevin that you are working on your own issues and believing God for the restoration of your marriage but draw a CLEAR LINE that Kevin CAN SEE AND CAN NOT CROSS.
Tell him not to call you until he dumps the trash at the next truckstop and spends a minimum of 2 weeks alone on the road.
This wanna-be man is an expert at coming up with something, anything to fill the space in his life that demands his honest attention. Don't let him use you.
Oh I already know what you're thinking.
You're thinking "but he'll go back to Cassie".
Well that is exactly what you need to know.
Because if he does, you don't need him anyway.
Nope you didn't make me mad. But I bet I can make you more angry! LOL
Here goes:
Quote: Okay, so you updated him about the baby - great - but you know what? He should have called you! And if the b*tch in the truck with him has a problem with that and he caves in to her and doesn't call to check on his baby, well that ought to open your eyes to the fact he hasn't changed one damn bit.
I only called and updated him after Monday because it was an unexpected appointment. I had a doctors appointment and when I went they reminded me of something to do with her. I left a VM (as he didn't have service when I called) and he called me back as soon as he could (I guess).
That's all. It's not a great defense of him . . . but that's what it was about.
Quote: Tell him not to call you until he dumps the trash at the next truckstop and spends a minimum of 2 weeks alone on the road.
He won't just drop her in another state. . . she's not me. OK that's really not funny . . but it's true! Anyway. . . he's suppose to be dropping her off on the 18 (when he comes back for "home" time). That's when he wants to come see the girls (the 19th).
I had actually thought about telling him just not to call me until he was done with her. If he calls me today I just may do that. Make him face the fact that I'm serious about not going back and forth with her again. We'll see how he feels after he's "without" as a back up again. He misses me when he doesn't have me / misuses me when he does.
Thanks Amy . . . I think I'll tell him not to call me again until she's gone and he wants to come see the girls. Wow . . it'll be hard. I'm scared!
Quote: Oh I already know what you're thinking. You're thinking "but he'll go back to Cassie". Well that is exactly what you need to know. Because if he does, you don't need him anyway.
Cut the cord Emily. You are not his Mama.
I was/ and AM thinking this Amy. I guess maybe I just don't want to know the truth. I don't want to know that I'm not as good as her. I want to be worthwhile in HIS eyes. I know I know that's wrong . . . but it's the truth.
