I'm going to go try to get SOMETHING (anything at all) done! No fear I'll be back around! Please help me now! I shouldn't even be thinking all crazy . . I am I've been here for what 8 months now! JEESH! I am pushed to my breaking point. . . Should I just go WAY dark . . and NOT talk to him and see what happens next weekend. That's the first (next) real opportunity for change?
Give It Time OR File The Divorce.
hmmmmmmmmmm?!!!!! Maybe that's what he wants?!?! Is for me to file . . since he knows I'll make him wait? No I can't file! I can't give him that satisfaction. Do you think that's what this is about? He's trying to keep ripping me apart so I'll get "mad" enough and file? Sure he's mean but could he be that cold hearted?
Thanks Muddle . . . we posted too close or I would have changed that post
I don't understand. I mean I sort of do. But I don't see shade of gray. . only black and white. I mean to me it's either he and I are together or we're not. Know what I mean. I don't see not filing but not really being together in a R. Obviously I don't see filing and being in an R either. It's one or the other. . . not both. I don't understand how a marriage can be considered anything if it's not even a talking R. I guess it's a focus thing. I don't enjoy feeling like this. I would give anything to put myself back on level ground. I don't know. I HATE IT. I just can't escape my own stupid thinking. I don't get how to change it.
I couldn't keep myself detached . . . no matter what now I'm hurt. I mean I'm hurt because they are still together 24-7 so I know he's sleeping with her at night . .
GOD ....... STOP! I'm leaving now . . I'll be back later!
I talked to my Mom and she told me that my brothers wife has thyroid cancer. She had a surgery and they tested it and it came back malignant. My Mom was talking about how worried they all were and stuff. She said, "Ya know you think your life is bad and then something like this happens." I said something about I know because of Kiya's sitch. She blew it off with, "Oh they'll fix that kidney." I knew what she ment. But . . . I've seen the life that Wendy (Kevin's aunt with kidney failure) lives. I've watched her go to dialysis three times a week . . I've seen what it does. I've watched her go in and out of the hospital. It's scary . . . I keep thinking about that life for MY baby. It's sooo scary. I mean YES it's horrible for my SIL . . . but they think they can get it with one surgery! *we're praying* SCARY! But she's not 6 weeks old . . at least she's had some life.
It just really put my sitch in perspective for me. Yes . . what's going on with my marriage is horrible. . . but my daughter has bigger problems. Where should I be focusing? ON THOSE GIRLS! I wish he could be here to focus with me . . . but . . . that's his decision. One I have to let him make on his own.
I'll set boundaries if/when he takes those first steps to coming back . . Until then like Kiya's sitchs it's a waiting and watching game. I have to Let Go and Let God.
Inner peace is coming back a little! Pray for all of us!
That is going to take a lot more than some tears and sweet words.
Emily,
Kevin will bounce back and forth between women to avoid making the necessary changes in himself to live a healthy life.
DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE ONE OF THEM.
EVER.
YOU and the GIRLS deserve better and I really want to see you DEMAND that he treat you better and respect you.
IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO STAND UP.
RIGHT NOW!
IT IS TIME.
He treats you like you're second best and you let him because you think you must be.
That's b*llsh*t.
Tell Kevin to get his ass back in that truck when he drops off his tramp and hit the road.
Believe me, the highway will not allow him to outrun his demons.
He'll have to face them when he's out there all alone.
That's necessary, Emily!
If you let him come back, or even think he's "back together" with you, you will be doing him more harm than good.
Be the woman that you ARE BECOMING.
BE HER NOW AND BE HIS WIFE BY taking care of your husband, by making him deal with himself before you allow the both of you to deal with your marital troubles.
Inner peace is coming back a little! Pray for all of us!
GOOD TO HEAR HONEY, SEE YOU ARE SOooooooooooooooo STRONG. Listen to Amy I agree with her 100%. Especially the part @ You are actually being a good wife by letting him fight his own demons. My H was very selfish when he was in the thick of it with OW. The kids are left in the dust. I am so gald to read that you are not going to allow this to happen to your girls. ....this time must be different honey. Give yourself the gift of time and see what blessings God has in store for you and your daughters. Maybe Kevin will be a part of that gift but not now, take comfort in the fact he confided in you. Would you let a close friend keep treating you this way without boundaries?? I think not. So let him GROW, he needs to and if you really , really want him back. Think about it do you really want him back like this or do you want a man that will be able to also hold you up in times of need. It seems like you are holding him up and your strength is not as it should be yet. Take it super slow............. PLEASE------------> You do not need me to kick your A$$ honey you are doing it all by yourself . Keep the strong inner strength going and get stronger everyday Em. do it. God bless...
Quote: Tell Kevin to get his ass back in that truck when he drops off his tramp and hit the road.
Believe me, the highway will not allow him to outrun his demons.
He'll have to face them when he's out there all alone.
That's necessary, Emily!
If you let him come back, or even think he's "back together" with you, you will be doing him more harm than good.
As I am sure you know I'm scared to death of this.
I'm scared that if I do it he'll think there's no point in even trying.
What a mess. I stand here and wait and let him get away stuff because truly I am scared to death of losing it all. I don't want the D . . . I don't want my girls to not have their dad. I don't want any of those things.
Amy are you saying that I should tell him not to come see the girls this weekend. I really wanted him to even if it ment him NOT seeing me at all. I want him to see Kiya again . . . She's got me so scared. He wants to see Felina for her b-day. I mean I could tell him that I can't see him . . . something . . but shouldn't I let him see his kids?
I'm scared . . I'm scared of losing it all. I know I can't help him fight his demons but I sure wish I could. I sure wish I could get inside his head and know what he is thinking. I wish I could know if this is some plan that he and Cassie cooked up to get me . . or if this is really coming from his heart. Only time will tell. . .
Now to steel myself. I'm scared to death . . . please tell me what moves to make for next weekend.
Emily - your need to DO SOMETHING no matter what is shooting you in the foot here. Try to just sit with the discomfort and DO NOTHING in regards to the R for the next week, okay? Focus on GAL and other things instead. H will either prove himself sincere, or prove that he's not - wait and let it unfold.
IF it looks like he's sincere, then have a list ready of what it would take for him to win you back. Be very specific: he would have to stop all drugs, go to counseling, be completely transparent in all his financial and phone dealings, pay to support his family in a regular and timely way, etc. etc. Don't settle for less, but do give him a roadmap of what it would take.
Then focus on YOUR plans for YOUR life as if he's not coming back. If he steps up to the plate, great - then you'll both be in just that much better a spot.
If he doesn't step up to the plate - then you haven't wasted a few more months of momentum waiting on him instead of getting ahead yourself.
Fair enough kml. I had planned on having those things you talked about (drug/support/etc.) set in place, IF he indeed wants to come back. It's still a full week away.
If he calls should I talk with him? As long as it doesn't consist of our R talk. and . . what about letting him see the kids next weekend?
This is hard for me. I want to be back in the marriage. I understand though why it cannot happen overnight. I'm just tired of waiting . . . I feel like I've already been waiting FOREVER!! You all know how I feel.
On a slightly different note . . . I got my new plugs today! WHOOPIE! LOL I have earrings again! I couldn't be happier .. . OK . . so really I could .. . but you know what I mean
Any and all thought about next weekend will be accepted . . Thanks guys!
I am saying goodbye. I really hope things work out for you. You are stronger than you think and can do more than you know. Take care of your babies but take care of yourself first, as that will make it all much easier.
You can do this. It's a good fight that you are fighting but you can only fight so much. Kevin has to fight his own way back home.
PLEASE believe that you are worthy of someone treating you well and do not ever accept less.
