The only reason you are still in limbo is because you continue to define yourself by this relationship. You could get a divorce, but you would STILL define yourself as Kevin's ex-wife. The ONLY way to get out of this "limbo" now is to define yourself and your life ON YOUR OWN. If you don't do this, you will continue riding this rollercoaster. Others have said it, and I will now too - I think you really enjoy this ride. I think that somehow you think that by prolonging the pain and drama of this you continue to inject life into the one thing that you think defines who you are.
If you divorce or if you stay married you have to pick yourself up and put yourself in a position where you can make a decision for the right reasons, and that means you get right with yourself. You have to be the one to step out of the mess, not by getting a divorce, but by committing to STOP PARTICIPATING IN MAKING THIS A MESS. Step away, decide to live your life without thinking about what he is doing, or how what you do is going to affect him. Focus on your life now and what you can do now to make your future better. Step out of yourself for a second or two and recognize what part of your being you are doing all of your thinking with. You have a great mind and spirit and yet you have been directing them with your emotions. You can lead with your mind and spirit and your emotions will follow. Try that for a while and see where you end up.
You don't have a decision to make regarding your relationship right now, so STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. You are not in that place, and should you be put in a position to actually make a decision it will be entirely based on your emotional drama and not the facts of where you and Kevin are at that point. Stop the endless cycles and free yourself in order to be in a ready state when you truly do need to act.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
