Quote: Sheesh { like you always say } he is going thru here?
Yup . . sure is. I think I know why this whole mess is bugging me so much. Cause it's like I really am the OW. I mean he's with her 24-7 and he calls me late at night and early in the morning while he is waiting for stuff to get load or unloaded or waiting for his new "orders".
Kinda drives me crazy. I mean I guess I can understand him not wanting to spend a week with her going NUTS because he's trying to come back to me. But at the same time I feel robbed. I mean he doesn't try to hide our conversations . . . It just the way it is . . he doesn't want to talk on his cell phone and drive the truck! THANK GOD! The world is a safer place . . LOL!
AYE!! AM I justified in feeling that way? What do you all think?
Wow Emily what a difference 5 days makes. Last time I checked on you neither your nor H had each other's numbers and now he wants to come back again. Have you checked out yellowrose's thread. She is experiencing something similar. Perhaps she cuold help you.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Well no phone call from him lastnight. Could it be the OW is redeeming herself OR simply no service? The world may never know! LOL!
It really bothers me. He didn't promise he'd call so I'm chalking it up to that. Makes me angry that he spends all his time with her and can't call me everyday. But it's a low grade angry. . . I'm not boiling over. . . it's just unfair. I hope to God she's still on his nerves. I mean he said she was better on Wednesday but there was NO WAY she was going back out with him . . he said, "He didn't bitch as much today because she had nothing to bitch about."
Oh guys . . . I don't know. All the eggs are going back in the d@mn basket . . .and I fall on my face EVERYTIME! It scares me. I mean I just keep trying to tell myself that until he starts SHOWING me and NOT just TALKING about it . . . he's not mine he's still hers. But his talk is so sweet. I think I understand how Eve felt being suckered in by that d@mn snake. He's my snake . . . I can't resist his words.
Well all the hugs have been handed out! Thanks guys!
I never thought my house would explode like it did after the 2 year party! WOW . . . so much stuff to put away. I figure I have a week to get EVERYTHING tidy . . . That way my H will think I moved right along and never slagged at all. I don't want him to see my house a mess . . . I want him to see it the cleanest EVER.
Well that is if he even comes! It's a good motivator though . . then my house can just be clean . . . *sigh*
I'm tired of waiting for him to make up his mind. I know he thinks he has this time. But how many times have we been through this before? I mean really.
The eyes I got tattoo'd on my back aren't doing a great job watchin' it for me. I guess I never thought he'd be the one to stick the knife in.
I'm actually feeling alright today. I got most of my kitchen cleaned (all but the floor) and I've got laundry finishing up. I finally got to put Felina's new bedset on! IT's adorable! Now I just have to clean all the boxes and wrappers and organize the new toys in the living room. Then it's upstairs to actually take care of some of the TONS of clean laundry. WHEW . . . I'm taking a breather right now.
Hey girl I went to get my hair colored today, Sheesh I have not pampered myself in a long , long time. I feel somewhat calmer today. You sound good all things considered. I know isn't it funny how they know the door is always open and they keep coming around? Well like others have told you here you may have to set boundaries. I think that you will do well this time just be calm and do not let him get you upset. They have so much power when "WE" give it away. I was feeling sorry for myself as a matter of fact. ... and sure he is being a little selfish with the OW sh*t but only if I allow it. So I have to decide not to allow it. If he loves me and wants this to work he knows how I feel about the two women issue. I will give him some more time and then go from there. It doesn't hurt any less though.I think more than anything he feels guilty for what he did to her and is trying to " be nice" . I dunno I can just hope thats all it is. I am in denial some of my close friends tell me. ...my heart tells me otherwise. I think you should take things slow with Kevin and just look at the time with him like a gift. JJ24 told me awhile back to look at my husband like if he was my boyfriend ,,, only so my expectations were lower and I did not get hurt. Not for his benefit or for him to feel like he can have his cake and eat it too,,, but for you to keep your sanity. You need that,,, as do I and somedays they surely test it. Got a new wireless mouse today ,, sheesh I am moving up in the world.LOL You are sounding great keep the PMA and like Santhony would always tell me keep your expectations low and keep focusing on you. God bless....
No call from my H yesterday. I called his phone this morning for no apparent reason . . BACKSLIDE I know. I left a VM saying I had some news and a quesion. (That's all) Well he called me back this morning. I asked if he was mad at me . . he said no he was sorry BUT he had been REALLY busy. . . as soon as he got his headset for his phone he'd talk to me all day. *rolls eyes* He heard Felina and asked me to appologize to her for him not getting anything for her b-day he also said he'd make it up when he "came home" next weekend. It would home sometime Sat leave sometime Sun.
I am TOTALLY frustriaghted with the WHOLE sitch. I feel like he and I can never work anything out with all the distance inbetween us let alone the OW that he is currently with 24-7.
I just want to sit right down and cry my eyes out. I miss my H. . . and now I don't even get to talk to him . . and he spends ALL this time with her. *sigh*
I was better off without him. . . why do I have to love him so??/
UGH I know it's been like 15 minutes since I last posted. Sorry all.
Does anyone have a clue what my H is thinking? No? ME NEITHER! It's driving me nuts!!!!! I mean is he just trying to pull his having his cake and eating it too? I don't think she knows we've been talking at all. Except that one day about Kiya. I am angry. I AM NOT THE OW D@MN IT I AM HIS WIFE That's ME . . NOT HER!!
What the heck do I do? I know detach right? The only way we could be anymore detached really is to D. Maybe that's what needs to happen. I am sick of limbo. I HATE being without him . . . BUT I almost HATE being with him just as much (all the secrets lies and time spent apart anyway.) I'd rather have a 1 or 2 year wait and get a boyfriend that lives close and just start all over.
Emily, just go back about two or three threads of yours and read the advice you got from everyone then. It's still good and you and your sitch are in the same place.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Thanks RB . . . I did just that. I only read a few but then I remember the jist of all of them was SET BOUNDARIES and make 'em stick.
I'm just ready to be done. If he won't file this week . . . I will. I don't really have the money, but I'll find it. I'm ready for this whole mess to be over. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to not have to hurt anymore. This is not a plea for help. This is a boundary. I can't set any. I mean I can't say if he doesn't call me. He's at work and his cell is always in roaming anyway (not really suppose to work out side of PA anyway) I can't say he has to get rid of her RIGHT NOW . . . kinda stuck until this next weekend. (18 or 19) I'm sort of powerless . . IF I stay with him.
I need to think but I can't get my head right. I can't figure out how to make it better but to just end this whole mess. I'm scared to death of being divorced and I'm scared of custody stuff . . I'm scared $hitless . . but maybe that's why I have to do this one thing.
The only reason you are still in limbo is because you continue to define yourself by this relationship. You could get a divorce, but you would STILL define yourself as Kevin's ex-wife. The ONLY way to get out of this "limbo" now is to define yourself and your life ON YOUR OWN. If you don't do this, you will continue riding this rollercoaster. Others have said it, and I will now too - I think you really enjoy this ride. I think that somehow you think that by prolonging the pain and drama of this you continue to inject life into the one thing that you think defines who you are.
If you divorce or if you stay married you have to pick yourself up and put yourself in a position where you can make a decision for the right reasons, and that means you get right with yourself. You have to be the one to step out of the mess, not by getting a divorce, but by committing to STOP PARTICIPATING IN MAKING THIS A MESS. Step away, decide to live your life without thinking about what he is doing, or how what you do is going to affect him. Focus on your life now and what you can do now to make your future better. Step out of yourself for a second or two and recognize what part of your being you are doing all of your thinking with. You have a great mind and spirit and yet you have been directing them with your emotions. You can lead with your mind and spirit and your emotions will follow. Try that for a while and see where you end up.
You don't have a decision to make regarding your relationship right now, so STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. You are not in that place, and should you be put in a position to actually make a decision it will be entirely based on your emotional drama and not the facts of where you and Kevin are at that point. Stop the endless cycles and free yourself in order to be in a ready state when you truly do need to act.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
} he is going thru here? 
I think you should take things slow with Kevin and just look at the time with him like a gift. JJ24 told me awhile back to look at my husband like if he was my boyfriend ,,,
You are sounding great keep the PMA and like Santhony would always tell me keep your expectations low and keep focusing on you. 
