Thanks All!

I do realize that it is probably NOT his fault . . . sh*t happens as they say.

It's just a possiblity, one I think finally need to be address.

This wasn't something I try to hide RB this was something I denied.
It was something I convinced myself couldn't be true.
My H couldn't have a drug problem.

The abuse YES I HIDE.
That's not something I could fool myself into denying.

My friend Emily came over lastnight and we were talking about it.
I know he popped A LOT of "diet pills" (speed effect) and I also know that he took ridaline (sp?) (I guess this has the same effect . . makes you speed up).
Um . . .
I guess people would ask her what he was on after we would from places (because of the way he looks).

Then her and I got to talking more and she asked me about his behaviour when he would here.
Like he would come up and then he would CRASh . .just totally . . wouldn't wake up for crap CRASH.
The second day he would be here he would start to feel sick (headache/stomach upset/ etc)
Sometimes he'd get so bad his he would shake . . . when I would ask him about it he would tell me if was because he hadden't had his "caffiene" (like Mt. Dew/Jolt/ coffie/ etc)
Yeah. . .

MY H the drug addict.
Who'd have thought.
Not me. .
I know he did a lot of that stuff in highschool . . but he was clean when we met and he stopped EVERYTHING for me.
I don't know why he picked it back up.

If it's the reason that I am going through all this alone with my baby girl . . . I'd kill him sooner than look at him.

I'd like to ask him . . but I wouldn't get a truthful answer anyway.