I'm Still Trying!

[RBinBR]

everytime I bring up some new fault in him I seem to get screamed at because you all think I'm making stuff up.

Actually, Emily, that's not it at all. I believe you, just like I really believe you about the physical abuse, although, as I said at the time, you conveniently ignored your own problem with anger and your contribution to the physical violence in your family.

A year ago Easter, my W hit me and I hit her back (not any harder than she hit me). I was horribly ashamed of what I did, but when my W then tried to pretend that I was the only one with an anger problem, she basically excused herself and prevented a real resolution to our problems with conflict. That's what you did by ignoring the ways that you tried to use physical force to control arguments.

Anyway, I honestly think that you didn't tell us before about the drugs and abuse ... because you desperately wanted it to somehow work out with Kevin and you were afraid that we would all tell you to just dump him and that you needed to protect your kids from him (which some of us probably would have). But both of these things are really important items that you would have shared if you had truly wanted honest advice from us. But you didn't share them because you didn't really want that honest advice about your sitch ... you wanted us to tell you what you wanted to hear.

That's one of the reasons I got so mad at you before, Emily -- I didn't like being "played." Deliberately leaving out a crucial part of the story is just as deceitful as lying. You said once that you tell your family half-truths and hide things from them ... and now you've done the same thing twice to us.

Your resisting calling Kevin yesterday was good, as was kicking that other guy out and making it clear that you're not ready to date now; and I've seen some things that suggest you're getting more control over your emotions ... but I truly think you still have critical issues to address, and becoming a person of integrity is one of them.

I'm not trying to make you mad or be mean, but I will always be honest with you, Emily. I'm not ever going to tell you just what you want to hear.