Hopefully you all have been praying for my daughter. I am worried sick. The ultrasound revealed that the left kidney is STILL dialated. We go back again in 6 weeks and they'll put in a cathiter (sp?) and do more in depth testing. Breaks my heart. They want to be sure it's only a bladder problem *which they think right now* and not an actual kidney problem. Which would be horrible.
MY STUPID H WAS TOTALLY INDIFFERENT TO THE SITCH. He just called because I think he knew he'd look like real ass if he didn't. But he shrugged it right off.
She's out on the road with him so that doesn't help.
My caseworker from domestic relations called today and they GOT HIM! YES . . . they are in the process of scheduling everything . . I should get my papers this next week. WHEW. Anywho . . that comes up because she quit her job and he is paying for her 600.00 or 700.00 dollars a month bills. . . and can't spend 20.00 on his kids for diapers.
She was sitting there LAUGHING while I was trying to tell him about his daughter. PISSED ME OFF!
He has NO plans of coming back to see the girls. He said I can still have that car . . . BUT now it's HUGE wait to see when he stops back through the area to sign it over and get his crap out of it. Wish I still had a key . . . I'd do it for him . . LOL!
I have cried almost non stop since we got home at 6:00! It's been a LONG hard day. All my friends are all riled up with him. Makes me feel better.
OH and let me tell you what makes my sitch worse. I have a guy friend (stopped by last night) and we were semi-close in highschool (hung out maybe once a month . . talked some. . etc) AND he is trying to push a relationship on me. I am NOT the slightest bit interested in him . . . NOT AT ALL! and he just won't stop. What's worse is he's "touchy" and it makes me uncomfortable . . but I don't know how to say anything. Like lastnight he all tried to kiss me . . and he kept trying to hold my hand when I walked outside and he was like, "I want everyone to know you're done with Kevin . . and that maybe you've got a new man." NOT QUITE . . I just told him NO WAY. I nicely told him that I wasn't LOOKING for ANYTHING for AT LEAST 6 months MAYBE even a year . . . then I'd think about "dating" . . . *not him* . . .
Quote: How did he call if he didn't have your new phone number?
He had my parents track phone number (they've been letting me use it)
and since it works downstate we took it with.
He called me on that . . . and I called him back later . .
That's how he called.
Guys . . I am having a REALLY hard time coping with all of his.
It's so final.
He filed for the D.
She quit her job to be with him . . . he's supporting her and not us.
It all just hurts.
Can't seem to retrain my thoughts tonight . . except to Kiya's sitch . . . and I hate thinking about not having her.
I mean I don't know if I'll get all the birthday and good times with her that I've even had with Felina.
Everyday with Kiya is SUCH A BLESSING . . . and it makes me so mad he doesn't care.
It makes me REALLY angry that it could be his fault.
I won't go into that though . . . everytime I bring up some new fault in him I seem to get screamed at because you all think I'm making stuff up.
It took one of my "silly" friends to bring it to my attention (I thought the girl was no smarter than a cheerio . . but lately . . WOW)
. . .
She reminded me today that we had thought that when he showed up in December he has lost a MASSIVE amount of weight and looked sick . . . and we all thought he was doing drugs.
I know that back in October he started to "go out" with his "friends" more and he started to smoke pot . . . and I always questioned him about it (I have NEVER done anything like that . .and NEVER approved of him coming home high).
I always wondered if he wasn't doing stronger stuff then to.
Anyway . . . he backed off of it for awhile. Because of me.
My friend reminded me also that his little brother had told me that his whole family thinks Cassie has a problem with Speed or SOMETHING . . . .
SO my friend asked if maybe his "little soldiers" weren't marching quite straight at the time.
Considering that kidney problems are generally genetic and Felina is perfectly normal
I know that for a while he finally admitted this to me . . he was taking A LOT of "diet pills" to stay awake.
He admitted this to me while we were living seperate because he cut him self badly enough to need stitches AT WORK and refused to go to the doctor . . . . because they drug test.
Cheaper than speed same general effect if you take enough . . which leads to me believing he may have had a problem.
I couldn't tell you if he still does those things or not.
But it would explain why while he is here with me he FREAKS out so much and wants to sleep the whole time.
I thought maybe he just didn't sleep well away from me . . . hell I guess I'm a hopeless romantic.
Well that is some interesting information but I think you'd be reaching to try to tie Kiya's problem to his possible drug use. Don't know for sure.
Now speed I do know about because once upon a time I knew a truck driver...they pop all kinds of pills that are sold over the counter to get in more driving hours. They have to keep logs and those drivers that push themselves will keep two logs. One will be legal to the letter. The other will be the true time they're on the road. If he comes back around, there are things to watch for. Sleeping a lot is just one of them.
No doubt the man has issues. If he's tied himself up to a woman with even more issues, they will self destruct.
Quote: Well that is some interesting information but I think you'd be reaching to try to tie Kiya's problem to his possible drug use. Don't know for sure
I have to disagree this one time Amy. It could happen. I had a friend who had a baby that was perfectly normal until she was 7 months old and she had a stroke. The cause (her father did cocaine when she was conceived) was found out through tests. She lost most of her ability to walk and talk but through patience and a lot of work, she is a happy 20 something now. She does have some slowness to her because of the stroke but she gets along fine.
I was babysitting this baby when it happened. I was so scared. I was only 15 at the time.
Good luck with the baby Emily. You all are in my prayers.
Quote: everytime I bring up some new fault in him I seem to get screamed at because you all think I'm making stuff up.
Actually, Emily, that's not it at all. I believe you, just like I really believe you about the physical abuse, although, as I said at the time, you conveniently ignored your own problem with anger and your contribution to the physical violence in your family.
A year ago Easter, my W hit me and I hit her back (not any harder than she hit me). I was horribly ashamed of what I did, but when my W then tried to pretend that I was the only one with an anger problem, she basically excused herself and prevented a real resolution to our problems with conflict. That's what you did by ignoring the ways that you tried to use physical force to control arguments.
Anyway, I honestly think that you didn't tell us before about the drugs and abuse ... because you desperately wanted it to somehow work out with Kevin and you were afraid that we would all tell you to just dump him and that you needed to protect your kids from him (which some of us probably would have). But both of these things are really important items that you would have shared if you had truly wanted honest advice from us. But you didn't share them because you didn't really want that honest advice about your sitch ... you wanted us to tell you what you wanted to hear.
That's one of the reasons I got so mad at you before, Emily -- I didn't like being "played." Deliberately leaving out a crucial part of the story is just as deceitful as lying. You said once that you tell your family half-truths and hide things from them ... and now you've done the same thing twice to us.
Your resisting calling Kevin yesterday was good, as was kicking that other guy out and making it clear that you're not ready to date now; and I've seen some things that suggest you're getting more control over your emotions ... but I truly think you still have critical issues to address, and becoming a person of integrity is one of them.
I'm not trying to make you mad or be mean, but I will always be honest with you, Emily. I'm not ever going to tell you just what you want to hear.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Tonight when I was reading one of my devotions this one in particular reminded me of you. Hope it could be of some use.
Did you know that unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment block the flow of God's blessing in your life? Holding on to the hurts of your past can poison your present and future. But when you let go of these emotional wounds, you open the door to the life of victory the Lord has planned.
The enemy tries to use the events of your past to influence your present actions and responses. He tries to paralyze you with fear and shame. But when you choose to forgive those who have wronged you and release your past to your Heavenly Father's loving care, you can walk in freedom. You can trade your sorrow for His joy. You can trade your shame for His peace, love, and victory!
Isn't it reassuring that you are not defined by your past. You are defined by God's Word and His plan for your life. And God sees you as an overcomer! God sees you blessed and prosperous in all your ways! God sees you living life as a champion!
A Prayer for Today
God, I am trading my sorrows in today. I refuse to live in the past any longer! I forgive my trespassers and will hand you my ashes and accept the beauty You offer instead. I will live the life of joy You intended for me. In Jesus' name, Amen.
