Frank, I agree, it's really important for me to learn to do this more. It made an immediate impact on my W and with any luck at all, it will impact our overall R.
Whatis, yea, I know. I wish I was as good a fixer as I thought I was, lol. Oh well, live and learn.
SS, I remember your H having a similar experience in terms of grief and his inability to process it. In terms of my W's holding things in, I do think it has something to do with her cultural upbringing as well as her specific family.
In terms of her drinking, I don't really spend much time worrying about it anymore. She has cut back a lot and it is painfully obvious (although not really good I guess) that her drinking is tied to her unhappiness. I even brought up the idea to her that the drinking may be a cause rather than an effect of her "bad feelings" of late. She agreed and said that's why she cut back.
As you said, I am 100% focused on encouraging her to do the things (other than OM mind you, lol) that make her happy and I truly believe that if she does more of that, the rest of this crap will sort itself out for the most part.
Not that I/we don't have a ton of work to do, but I think right now, it's clear what needs the most attention.
Oh, and in a minor bit of news (only minor because it's been planned for some time now) I booked tickets for my W and I to both go to an event I cover every year. She has never gone before and decided to go with me, leaving the kids with her parents. It's not likely to be romantic at all but it will be a chance for us to be together a lot and that's good.
