Wow, I leave for a few days and you all have a little spat on my thread. I feel so important, lol.

As for Frank, I am sure he cares a lot. His opinion may be a little harsh sometimes but from were I sit, most of the people here who SEEM (I say seem because who of us TRULY know the motivations of the rest of us here) to care the most often are the ones who on occasion (or maybe more than occasionally) post less than sugary things.

Frank has long been an inspiration to me and though I don't necessarily agree with everything he says, I do think he contributes positively to a lot of people's situations around here. His thought that knowing him more making his comments more palatable may or may not be true, but knowing him more may help in understanding his perspective and also in cutting him some slack in the caring department.

Aw, but what the hell do I know, get back to fighting', lol.

As for me, things are fine. There has been no more talk of boobs or anything else like that. True to form, W buried that one day later.

We SEEM to be making slow, but sure progress towards more intimacy. She continues to ask for more "closeness" from me, much more than she used to, even before all this happened.

There were two important thing thats happened this weekend, both on Sunday night. My W finally got to go out with a GF. It was not the one she was originally going out with (she bailed on her Friday night) but actually I like this one better so it was all good. She was REALLY open about the whole "have your phone on" thing and we even had a really frank conversation about her wanting to make sure I trusted her by being available 100% of the time she was out and not "seeming" like there was anything else going on. I told her I really appreciated that and most of what I needed from her was just some reassurance. She agreed 100% and told me she's been really trying to do better in that respect. This was a big first because before her pride (or whatever) caused her to get angry at the suggestion that she "check in" with me. That night she was more insistent than I was that she be in touch with me. I took the boys to a theme park for the night so we didn't really even think to call her that much. Actually she ended up calling me a few times, and me to her only once.

So, she had some fun, but they actually beat us home. She was disappointed because she wanted to stay out longer but was ok with how it went. She just wants to find one of her friends that will just "hang out" more, as she says, maybe a couple times a month, and just to get out of the house for more than 2 hours. I support her in this.

The second thing that happened was that later that night she came to bed crying. I didn't really think it was about us because things were really good all weekend up to that point. She used her generic "I don't feel so good" line but didn't expand. Finally, after me just holding her, she said she was upset because it would have been her brother's birthday the next day. To refresh your memory, or for you newbies, explain more, my W to this day is still upset over the death of her 18 year old brother when she was 19. She feels she was like a mother to him and that her parents, via their neglect and negative attitude towards him, contributed to his death, which officially was ruled an accident, but she suspects otherwise. She feels a tremendous sense of responsibility herself because she was
"not there" for him when she was needed. This has been an issue from the time I met her (he died about 2 years before we met).

Anyway, she was upset and usually when she gets upset over this, which she does this time of year (today would have been his birthday and he died on her father's birthday next month) she just keeps to herself. This time, for whatever reason, she talked. She really opened up in a way she never has with me and at one point said "It sucks because I'm not ever allowed to cry or talk about this." I said "Well, you ARE allowed with me, I want you to if you want to." She responded "You never did before." To clarify, one of my worst traits for the past, well, our entire marriage, was that I always tried to fix her when she was upset, totally invalidating her feelings every time. I never understood that she probably just needed to get it out and then she would be fine. Well, this time, I did just let her talk and she gushed. More than a few times she said she was going to stop and just kept going, saying a LOT of thing she never said, and she used to talk about it all the time, especially when we first dated. It was a really powerful and intimate moment, and I am sure she felt the same way. I think maybe, for the first time, I was able to actually listen to her, comfort her and in a way, I was able to allow her to heal herself to a certain extent. It was really nice to be there for her like that.

That convo, and the one about the trust issues was very long and I am forgetting a lot but that's the gist. I may post more later.

Oh, and about my lack of posting lately. I will be posting even less because starting this week, I will have a camera mounted somewhere in my room looking over my shoulder. Supposedly, it's not for that reason, but they CAN use it to monitor us so we will probably have to cut WAY back on our internet usage I will post when I can, but alas, probably much less than before.

GH

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