Again, agree 100% with you. I think it's all about trust, something that is in short supply in my R right now from EACH of us, but I want to grow what's there and for me, it's another act of letting go. I have spent my entire marriage ACTING like I believe that she should not go out at all, all the while SAYING to her, and myself that I was so open minded and trusting. BS, I was old fashioned and trusted her about as far as the front door... with NO reason. I treated her as if she were a cheater LONG before she ever was and while I place the ultimate responsibility for her actions squarely where it belongs, ON HER, I do know the role I played. I also know the role I now want to play and it's not one that I can play if I am still that insecure, timid man that thought the only way his W would stay with him was if he kept her under wraps. I swear that sounds SO unlike me but honestly, especially from my W's perspective, it's probably closer to the truth than the idea I had of myself all these years.
I for one never intended to be this man I have been all these years and I want to have my actions towards my W reflect the man I always envisioned myself as; confident, trusting, independent, and progressive. I didn't marry a shrinking violet but I think I helped turn her into one...until OM reminded her of who she was. Damn, that SHOULD have been me, and it WILL be me now! I HATE with all my soul what she did and that our marriage came to this but I'll be damned if I am not going to get something positive from it and move forward!
In terms of Frank's idea that married woman have no business with single women or bars, does that also apply to married men hanging out with their single buddies or having a drink with the guys after work? I would bet that this is yet another of the double standards we all just accept as a matter of course.
