Quote: My opinion on the boob job, going out with friends etc is that GH is making the right choice by not fighting her about it. It sounds like his wife is battling a loss of sense of self, and if your breasts have suffered the ravages of motherhood it really can affect your self-perception. Not as a sexual toy, but as an extension of your womanhood. I can understand wanting this and not because I want men to stare at my chest.
This is EXACTLY the approach my W is taking and I understand her feelings. I know how it looks, like she wants new boobs for some OM to play with, but this is a long running desire of my W's, and frankly something I have been less than supportive of (I don't like fake boobs) but when she communicated her extreme dislike of her body in that area and exactly WHAT she wanted to do, I opened up to the idea. This was all a couple years ago but the idea has been shelved because of financial issues since then. Even back then, she was VERY reluctant to talk openly about her feelings. I am glad she is more open now.
Quote: And isolating a woman from her friends because you don't trust her not to cheat on you is a really dangerous idea. In my case, I think it was a sense of isolation that led my H to connect with his OW. Groups of women are not going out seeking attention. We seek to bond with each other. GH is working really hard at being emotionally available to his wife, which is wonderful, but nothing can replace the communication between women. GH can't be everything to her. He can't be her girlfriend.
Again, it's as if you are living in my W's head. I think this is how she feels. She was never one to try to pick up men in social situations (remember, she met OM at the gym, not a bar...not that it's much better) but rather she just liked to be with her friends and have a good time, usually oblivious to any men in the vicinity. This idea that I would isolate her from her friends because of trust issues is a HUGE one because actually she has done that to herself because of her guilt and yes, my behavior. I want that to end, even if it means our R is going to suffer because I KNOW FOR SURE that if she continues like this, isolated and depressed, we will surely regress.
