I am bouncing around to muddle, mine and SS's threads touching on this same subject of validation through action, or choices we make. I really think this is a 180 I made VERY early on and really didn't understand what it was.
I knew that my W and I often had a TERRIBLE time working together on projects like cleaning out the garage or even making dinner. When I first started DBing, one of the things I decided I didn't want to do was argue anymore over little things so I started just doing things her way when there was no real reason why not. Most of the time, I actually learned something, or if not, I was not unhappy like I used to be to be doing things differently than I thought they should be done. All of a sudden, our interaction got better REAL quick in terms of working together around the house. She started to be MUCH less nagging and actually started to defer to me more on things that I probably knew more about. It was amazing. Of course only now can I see how I was now validating her via my choices & actions.
Damn, if I only knew then... (maybe I would have gotten a handj** a long time ago, lol)
