tmite, I appreciate the support, but I think your idea about her being "selfish" and not giving me a handj** in 9 months is a little harsh and uncalled for. You are assuming that before all this, the previous 8 years, that my W happily gave me handj**s or that I even wanted her to. She did not (happily or otherwise) and I did not (I guess because it just wasn't something I wanted/needed her to do), nor do I now. Not to be too graphic but I am perfectly capable of giving myself a handj** so I will hold out until she is willing/able to do more than that thank you.
As for the "red flag" of her wanting to go out or get implants I just have to disagree. First off, she doesn't really want implants, she just wants a lift and secondly, why is it a "red flag" when someone wants to have fun with her friends?
Sorry if I misled you all about exactly WHAT she wanted to get done to herself. While I DO have misgivings about her asking my opinion about it, I don't really fault her for wanting it done. I am sympathetic to the body issues she, and a lot of women have after giving birth.
As for things leading up to an affair, she's already had the affair and I know all about what that looks like leading up to it. It looks like her sitting in the house for 4-5 years, having NO life to speak of other than looking after two kids and a husband, frustrated all to hell and finally thinking her whole life was a sham until Mr. Right came along and changed all that. I firmly believe that if she had maintained her friendships with her GF's and done more to make herself happy in that respect, we may not have all the issues we have now. Then again, it could be full-blown MLC too so...
In short, I understand that in some cases, the idea of "going out with friends" can be a warning sign, and in my case it was, but since she knows FULL well what I am thinking about that and is willing to be totally "above board" about it than I am all for it because I also believe that she needs to start taking steps that DON'T include an OM to make herself happy.
IF there was no affair, or the marriage was otherwise "happy" or "normal" then one spouse going out occasionally with GF's or the "guys" is a non-issue, as a matter of fact, usually something encouraged by most "experts" in terms of maintaining a "life". I want my marriage to be more "normal" than it ever was before and that means NO MORE CODE
The issue here is that I want to make sure WE go out too, something that has actually been happening more lately than in the last 5-6 years, so that's good.
Sorry to sound defensive (actually it feels kinda GOOD to defend my wife for a change), but like most sitches, mine is a bit more complicated than my W holding out on me and not "taking care of me" in some way.
tmite, while it MAY seem like I resent your comments, I DO NOT at all. Actually I am VERY happy you posted because it made me really think about things from a different perspective and I ALWAYS like to do that. Thank you very much and please, contribute as much as you'd like.
