I do need to trust her, but you know what, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.
The way I see it is that she needs to be happy, and as we all know, it's up to each of us to make that happen. She has told me what she feels she needs to do to be happy. She told me it has nothing to do with an OM or any other man. She just wants her life back. She thinks we were in her words "already well on our way to reconciliation" and this is the next step.
The bottom line is that unless she starts to cheer up, there will likely not be much going on with us. She is miserable and I DO believe much of it is being shut in, or at least not doing "girls night out" every once in awhile. I don't have to trust her to know that.
I also don't have to trust her to want her to be happy. If this is what she needs to do, then so be it. Like I told her, the worst part about all this is that I just can't care right now if she is seeing OM. I don't think she is, and believe her when she says it's over, but I am human and if/when she goes out, my mind will wander, my emotions will rise. I can help it for the most part, but my major coping mechanism was always to just not care, or at least to detach from the caring.
I do not "allow" her to do anything, which I made perfectly clear. If she wants my opinion, or wants to know how I feel about these things, I also made that clear. I told her I was comfortable with her going out whenever she wanted to but if it was with "friends" I didn't know, I would not like that. She didn't really respond other than to repeat that she only wanted to go out with GFs that I knew.
Trust is a MAJOR issue between us right now, but you know what, it's ALWAYS a leap of faith, it's just when each of us decided to take a flyer that is different. I may take the leap earlier than I'd like but you know what? Even if I waited, and let the gap close, but still missed the other side, it's a LONG fall to the bottom again either way.
I can deal with the risk at this point. If she's lying, well then I will deal with that.
