Hi GH, I think the communicating you are doing with your W is great. And you sound more positive that things are moving the right direction, and that matters a lot! However, I have a vote to put crying on the "good" side of your ratio. Crying is such a friend to me, such a release and a clearing. Sometimes the stuff we need to cry about is the "bad" stuff, but the crying is cleansing salvation in my book. It shifts the energy and opens up possibilities, washing away the residual grime. Many men are afraid of crying or think it's bad which is why I particularly bring this up. I work in a female dominated workplace, and I see tears among the people I work with several times per week. As a consequence, I think we are also a very close-knit bunch who trust each other. So crying, "good"

I am following you GH, and I do see progress. I am glad you and W are going out some. Keep doing that, don't get complacent. I know I need to go out some too. My pattern was to go out to lunch with friends, save the evenings and some of the weekend for H. Hopefully you two will find a balance and a rhythm that works for both of you and supports your M. Talking about it and telling the truth about your wants and needs is a first step. Don't forget to acknowledge her for doing that. It is all good news there.

So who is defensive. You? or her too? What are you defensive about? Because those are your insecurities, that you can work on. When you get totally confident in who you are, there will be no need to protect and defend. You will just be able to validate and accept and listen. LOL, work for all of us for life, I think But a worthwhile endeavor, nonetheless

PositivelyListening
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When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller