RB, there was a LOT that I left out due to short time at work, including whole topics of conversation , one of which was me telling her that I wanted US to go out too. I told her that I have almost begged her to go out over the past couple months and she acknowledged that. She also said that we HAVE gone out a few times this month (true, albeit with a family member baby-sitting, bit true never-the-less) and she just wants to go out once or twice a month with people I know (we clarified that part) and have fun. She said she also wanted to go out with me, but that since we DO go out on occasion now and have plans to do it more often (not concrete, but we have talked about it) she just wants to do things with her friends too.
I really think as muddle and mama alluded to, this was potentially a HUGE turning point because e for the first time, she admitted to feeling guilt, something I have been told she is probably feeling but until last night, had never really seen. I think her trusting me enough to come clean with these feelings is a good thing. I DON'T think she was BSing me, but you know what, as muddle said, I can either take her at her word, or not. I can't keep living in the limbo of half-believing her.
What's the worst that can happen? She's still with OM? Well, me believing that she's not now won't really change things will it? If she's lying to me, well, I will just have to find that out in time. I really don't think that's the case.
RB, I really do thing she's trying. Maybe not in the ways I or you would like, but in her way, she's trying. This convo was intense and full of emotion but in the end, as she and I have talked about today, it was good to know each other's feelings. I think it went from 50/50 good/bad as I said this morning, to 90/10 good/bad, the bad part being that there was a lot of crying and defensiveness.
We'll have to see where things go from here. What I feel comfortable with now is that I KNOW she understands my perspective, and I think SHE thinks I understand hers. More than that, I think that the two perspectives are closer than they've been in a long time.
