GH, I think this conversation was a huge breakthrough for you. Now you have something to act upon. I know she is the one that is supposed to reassure you but at the same time you need to reassure her and stop being so suspicious and making her feel guilty. A while ago my H said some of those same things; like him missing a phone call from me. He was petrified to call me back because he felt like I would automatically assume the worst. Or if he just wanted to stop and have a beer he thought by calling me he would get grilled to the third degree so it was easier on him to not call me until he was on his way home.
I don't have specific advice on what you can do but you need to change the dynamics so that she does not feel trapped in your R or this whole crap will start all over again.
