Last night was strange. W was fine all night and all of a sudden, after we got finished watching TV, and she started doing her "getting the kid's stuff ready for the morning" routine, I noticed her being short with me. Unlike usual, I was still on the couch flipping around between channels, finally deciding to watch a few minutes of something I taped. She asked me in the middle of that process "Oh, you're still looking for something to watch?" with a sorta miffed tone. It was 11:00 and usually we go to bed around 11:30-12:00 but other than that, I didn't see what she would be pissed about. After about 15 minutes, she walks by with her iPod on (she always listens to music when doing her nightly stuff) and announces she's going to bed. That was strange because she NEVER goes to bed before me. I was tired too and decided to pack it in for the night. I tried to give her a hug goodnight and she didn't really respond. I told her I was going to bed (she was finishing up) and she just kinda nodded (usually she would say "I'll be up in a sec" or something like that). I asked her if everything was ok and she said yea. I just left it at that.
I went to bed and she came up a few minutes later, curled up on her side and went to sleep. I tried to get close to her and she seemed to pull back so I left her alone and went to sleep myself feeling like I missed something.
There wasn't really time for her to have talked to OM or anything so I really think it was something having to do with us. Hell, maybe it was just an isolated mood. Whatever it was, contrary to my "old" self that just HAD to know what was wrong and wanted to fix her, I just let her be. Good move I guess.
This morning when my alarm went off, she asked me to stay in bed with her, making the "hug me: move and I obliged. I slept in with her for about 15 minutes, then when I got out of the shower, I laid back down with her for another few minutes. At the end, when it was time for me to go, she asked me nicely to please rub her lower back. I did and then left.
I forgot my wallet so I had to come back in the house. By that time she was downstairs. She was on the couch when I was going out the door and I stopped, leaned over the back of the couch and gave her a hug. When I leaned in to kiss her cheek/neck, she made a little turn and kissed me on the lips. Wow. It was not a "real" kiss, but it's more than she's initiated in the past, well, several YEARS.
I am not over reacting to this, but it is significant that something seemed to be up and instead of hounding her about it, I let her be, then she seemed "fine" in the morning and we seemed to take a baby step.
In general, as I have said 1000 times, things could not be much better except for the physical intimacy part. We get along great, I am expressing my feelings more, asking for more from her and getting it, being more loving, MUCH less angry around her and the kids and am generally a better man. Our R is great, the kids are happy, W even seems to be getting happier but there is still that slowly shrinking elephant in the room. I hope he goes away soon.
