GH, I know what you are saying but they do notice. I used to wonder the same thing and then one day, in the midst of a R discussion, my W listed all the changes I have made and told me I was an amazing person! She said "just because I don't say anything that doesn't mean I don't notice". So for what my experience is worth, they notice!
Welp, not much happening. W's parents were in town for the weekend so we managed to go out to a movie Saturday night. We left early and walked around Barnes & Nobel for a few minutes and had an ok time. W was tired (we're not used to going out at 10:00 anymore) and was complaining a lot. I didn't validate much, basically telling her "Can't we just TRY to have a good time since we almost never get to do this. I know it's late, and we're tired, I feel the same way, but it's a beautiful night, we're out having a good time, let's be happy." She took it ok, but I could tell she felt attacked a bit. I managed to do a bit of damage control, mentioning later that I was tired too and I wished the movie started earlier. She seemed to appreciate that.
Anyway, we went to see Miami Vice (very good BTW) and there were two sex scenes in the movie that involved a guy in a shower with the woman coming in to initiate sex. The first scene, I leaned over to my W and said "Damn, how come that never happens to me?" She gave me the "smile". Then the next time I said "AH, it must be that 'stressed out, leaning against the back of the shower with your head on your forearms' pose that gets you women all fired up. I have to work on that one." She laughed a bit.
We had fun, but as is always the case with her parents around, there was not going to be anything happening, especially that night.
I got pretty emotional last night for no real reason. She noticed but I managed to stay away from her. I was just allowing myself to feel frustrated and upset over the lack of affection from her. It didn't last long and I managed to pull out of it, remembering that I am in this for the duration and I DO see improvements. I just wish I knew exactly what she was waiting for. To tell me the truth? For OM to be out of her heart (might be a long wait on that one)? For me to DO the right thing in terms of "wooing" her? For me to stop doing the WRONG things? For her to just "feel" something again (another long wait may be in order)? A certain date on the calendar? What? She says she doesn't know but I know she must know more that she lets on.
Anyway, like I have said recently, things other than the lack of sex/intimacy are GREAT. I can't complain a bit about most aspects of our life. It's better across the board than before the affair, but there is still something wrong and I can only hope DB/time will help fix it.
Just a post to show support for you GH; I think about you on the weekends when you're not here.
My life is going to hell in the proverbial handbasket so I am of no use today, just wanted to say hello, and I understand your frustration; just remember that the M is still so fcuking fragile after an A, you have to tread lightly for a while. Lighter than you'd like, longer than you wish to. Trust me.
It sux to be us some days. Hang on, my friend. You are doing really well.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Quote: Anyway, like I have said recently, things other than the lack of sex/intimacy are GREAT. I can't complain a bit about most aspects of our life. It's better across the board than before the affair, but there is still something wrong and I can only hope DB/time will help fix it.
BI, I owe you some postin. Like with most of the "better" posters around here, I think many of us see your ability to communicate as an ability to handle your sitch without much input. I will check in on you soon.
As far as your words to me, thank you very much for your support. It truly means the world to me and when I think where I would be without this place, without you and everyone else here, I shudder.
Mama, I know we are in the same place in our sitch for the most part. Hang in there. It's only time. I know life is short, but since we are only going to move on from this (assuming the worst and it fails) living for us and our kids, the same thing we are doing today anyway, the only thing that needs to wait is some future relationship we are not ready for anyway.
Just keep perspective and on those bad days, let it out, allow yourself to feel, then get back up again. You've done it 1000 times before, the 1001st time is no different.
Ok, a couple weeks or more ago I said I was going to be around as much. That was because work was getting more concerned about internet use. Now, my manager was fired and our old manager hired back after 2 years (which is very good for us). The good news is that my general stress level should go WAY down in the long term but in the short term, we are supposed to have zero online time. That means my days of posting 20 posts are gone for awhile. I will try to get on when I can at home but that's hard to do most of the time. I will update my sitch and try to keep up with you all. I regret not being able to be on as much, but duty calls and I need to do what I need to do work-wise.
Thank you ladies. I think my sitch at work will clear up eventually but in the meantime, I don't really have a way to linger at home like I do at work, which is how I manage to keep up with you all. I think I will be back to being more "frequent" again but for now, I think I will be on the back burner. Sorry.
I will have to keep this short (work issues and all) but I just wanted to update my sitch. Really, not much is happening. I am nervous now that school has started again and W has a LOT more free time, i.e. AFFAIR time, on her hands. This has coincided with her seeming to pull back again. For awhile there she was initiating hugs and generally being "close" with me. Now, it's back to where if I don't initiate, we don't touch. I don't know if it's just "that time of month" (it IS, but don't know if her mood/my feelings are because of that) or something else. I am back to suspecting everything simply due to a lack of anything substantial happening on "our" front. I know this is wrong, but when it so conveniently coincides with her having opportunity to see him again, I have to wonder.
I wanted to R talk last week but stifled it. That was really the first time I have done that in a long time. I figured that since my previous R talks really didn't help (as far as I could see) I would just go back to what I was doing in the midst of the affair and do whatever seemed opposite of my gut feeling. That seemed to work for a long time. I am not sure now.
I still want to take the "relationship temperature" but when I think it through, I can't see how that will help. I am doing ok with my PMA and am generally happy. My suspicions and general nervousness is NOT affecting my mood like it has in the past so I am much more able to just live and put things out of my mind. There is no evidence suggesting she is seeing him again other than us not really making the progress I'd like, as soon as I'd like and that could be due to MANY different reasons, none of which are OM... or it could be OM, I don't know.
What I do know is that I have strayed FAR from my GAL and other DB goals. I am getting back to that. I started running again (W noticed I stopped working out just when our sitch started improving... $hit!!!). I started "doing my own thing" more often. I have started detaching more from her.
Yesterday was a good example. I was starting to mirror her moods again. Yesterday she was in a foul mood when I got home. Instead of getting upset that she was upset (my normal MO) I just stayed happy and eventually, her mood changed. She said she was just tired and we proceeded to have a pretty good, albeit distant night.
I can't deny that my frustration is growing but then again, things ARE improving, if not in cycles were she comes closer, then pulls back, then comes even closer than before. I just have to hope there is nothing external, i.e. OM, preventing things from moving faster and farther than they are.
That's about it. I am doing ok and getting better daily. I hope you all are doing the same. I'll try to catch up when I can.
