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GH, I think you'll get it sooner if you act like you don't want it. Flirt with her like crazy, and romance her to the hilt, but act like sex itself isn't important to you compared to just being close. Take the pressure away and back off and I bet she'll come after you.



RB, I think I do a pretty good job of this MOST of the time, then there are those slip-ups that probably let her know the truth, that it IS important to me, as it should be. I think the key lies in something you once said you did, which was to remove your W from your fantasies. I don't want to go that far, but what I think I need to do is to not ACT like sex isn't the goal, but really have it NOT be the goal. Right now, I have to be honest and say it is, and that goes counter to my assertion that all this flirting, touching, etc, is all "extra-bedroom" stuff. I really DO want to do all those things without sex being involved AFTER we have sex, but until then, they are decidedly linked to that goal.

I know Passionate Marriage and OT would probably disagree with this approach, and maybe I have it all wrong, but I really do want to establish intimacy without sex in my relationship. That may seem silly, or impossible, but what I am after is a level of closeness that comes from simply kissing and nothing else, holding each other like we did the other night in bed, making out without intercourse, etc. I, like MANY people have been too fixated on the "end" and not the means.

Like I said, I think I am doing ok in this respect but the backslides are killing me, however slight they may be.

This is NOT a major issue right now. In fact, there IS progress being made, of this I am sure.

Journaling...

Yesterday, W was sick and asked me to come home early from work. Since I was sick too, work told me to go. W was very appreciative. She agreed to see a doctor if I came home, something she almost never does. She's, as I have posted before, very anti-doctor. We ended up leaving the walk-in clinic because there was a 3 hour wait but went back after picking up the kids from school and found out that she has a severe sinus infection.

As a side note, there was a LOT of hand holding while we were driving around. I think she wanted to be comforted but it's unusual because like kissing, hand holding died out a long time ago in our R.

Today, I had to work the night-shift so I got to help take the kids to school. Afterwards, W and I went home to crash for a bit (both of us sick). Then we went to lunch and a movie together. In the theatre she did something (there seems to be a lot of these "she never does this" things happening lately... ) she doesn't ever do, again, even when things were good, she reached over and held MY hand during the movie. It was surprising and very nice. Again, it's REALLY strange to be finding out how intimate and "connected" you can feel over something that used to be taken so for granted. I think it's all in the "being", or living in the moment that matters. Absently taking someone's hand is a far cry from feeling their touch, the texture of her hand, the warmth it gives off, the subtly movements of her fingers, etc. When you are truly "there" it makes a world of difference. I can only imagine what must be like with this kind of attention...

So, things are ok now. I still don't know if they will be tomorrow, nor am I worried about it. Today is all I am focused on, especially since it's been pretty good (other than feeling like crap).

GH

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