(warning... LONGGGGGGGGGGG post ahead... maybe I'll break it up into two parts)
The weekend was good. Saturday was mostly about the launch of my W's side business selling indian imports. She was stressed as hell and since we had S6's basketball game in the morning, there was little time to get ready for her thing at 4:00. Leading up to this, I have tried to be 100% supportive. W has started down paths like this before and never really got anywhere, and I looked at my part in that and realized that while she is surely responsible for what she does, she never really had my support. I gave that to her this time and it made a difference. I helped a lot in getting the house ready and managed to actually THANK her for allowing me to do that (in the past my cleaning was never good enough and her trying to do it all herself was a bone of contention between us, her upset at feeling like she had to do it, me upset that she was such a "cleaning snob"). It was good leading up to people arriving. Normally in the past we didn't work together well in situations like that where there was a deadline. Stress usually made us turn on each other. None of that this time.
When her "marks" (lol) arrived, a few of them with kids in tow (all friends of my boys) I took in upon myself to say hi to the moms and take the kids upstairs to play. They didn't have to worry about them for the rest of their time. I played with them all (8 boys), got them fed, gave them desert, played with the little ones on the playset, played video games with the older ones, etc. I am not patting myself on the back, but I have to say that this was a MAJOR 180 for me as I am usually unsocial and pissy that I have to babysit in cases like this. I think coaching my basketball team has taught me a lot about dealing with groups of kids and I actually enjoy it now. It was a GREAT time and I know the moms had a great time too especially since they didn't really ever have to think about their kids for a few hours.
At the end of the event, they all thanked me for doing such a great job with the kids. Most importantly, my W made a HUGE deal out of what I did. She thanked me about 10 times throughout the night for helping so much, especially with the boys (remember, those ten thank you's may outnumber the number of thank you's I have gotten in the past couple of years... I exaggerate but the point is that my W is slow to hand those out). She seemed genuinely affected by my PMA. I have to say that, for the first time in MONTHS, there was no premeditation to it. I really didn't even think about it's effect on "us" or anything like that. I just did it and it felt great.
The best part was that W told me that her friends went on and on about how they wished their H's were like me and that they would NEVER do what I did without complaining the whole time (read:like I used to). They were all jealous.
The funny thing is right after she told me that, she started talking about what they said about the decoration in our house (something my W has been thinking about changing lately...she's not been liking the paint color, etc). She said they all loved it and wanted to know what color paint it was, etc. Her comment that was particularly interesting (about the decoration that is) was "I guess even though I picked it and likeds it, it helps when other people tell you they like to too. It makes you feel better when you are unsure." Hmmmmm, so that was about PAINT, huh?
Last night was good too. We didn't do much yesterday but again, I helped a lot with the kids. I had (oh, and this directly relates to my next post BTW) a event scheduled to photograph yesterday afternoon/evening. I was supposed to take S6 with me but I decided that before realizing it was on the night before the first day of school. W didn't like the idea of him being out late. I agreed and decided to take him for a bit in the afternoon (it was a basketball thing that ran from 4:00-10:00pm). As the day wore on, W was getting agitated. She had a lot to do to get ready for today and I asked her if my going with S6 was a big deal. She said no, but had that "look". I had a decision to make.
I DIDN'T want to do my old P/A thing of simply abandoning my plans, subjugating my wants/needs for her, but I DID agree that the timing was bad. When I decided to go, I didn't know it was on THIS Sunday. Part of me wanted to bail because S6 couldn't go anymore, and part of me wanted to bail to help the overall sitch... and then there was the part of me that felt bailing was bad DB, bad GAL and I should stick with my plans no matter what.
SO, I decided to do something I don't ever really do in cases like this. I just communicated. I told W that I really wanted to go but agreed the timing was bad. I said it would not really matter to the paper if I went (it wasn't an official assignment) but I still wanted to do it. I told her that in the past, instead of just talking about these things, she would just say "go" and I would, only to have her be pissed at me. I said "I want to handle these kinds of things above board. I don't like how it usually goes down, where you don't speak your mind and I just do my thing, seemingly insensitive to the situation. If you don't want me to do, please just say so and give me the chance to either go, knowing how you feel, or decide not to. Either way, I will make my own decision but it would be nice to know how you feel."
She didn't answer right away, but later on, when I had decided not to go (more because of the S6 sitch and the fact that I had a ton of wedding work to catch up on) she gave me a BIG hug and thanked me profusely for giving up something she knew I was really looking forward to in order to help out. I was kinda shocked. She usually doesn't show that kind of appreciation, and the fact that she acknowledged that the event was something I really wanted to go to was new as well. It's almost like she was paying attention.
In any event, I know it has been a problem in the past that I would just go to things like this, seemingly ignoring the situation at home (mind you, the situation was only "bad" rarely and I am gone to things a LOT). The 180 here was actually knowing it was a bad time, understanding that I didn't HAVE to go to this ONE event, on this day, and deciding to give it up to help my family. I can count on one hand the number of times I have done that in the past. My photo gigs are usually set in stone, even if they're not, if you know what I mean.
So, last night when W came to bed she came right over to me, wrapped herself around me and held ME. This was something I can't really remember happening before, at least in a LONG time. Sure, we have hugged and cuddled, but it was still me doing most of the work. This was all her (BTW, I told her that because I stayed home, she owed me a 15 minute back rub, lol). It was REALLY nice and probably the most intimate moment between us that I can remember, sex or no sex. I can't really explain it but there was an energy that I have not felt before. It made the past two days of "work" VERY worth it.
Last thing. On Saturday night we were talking about something and somehow got on the subject of sex. I must have said something suggestive (who, ME, lol). Her response was to smile and say "You won't be waiting long, I promise. I don't know why you have to be that way about it."
I don't know what "way" I was, but I like that answer, especially if it's true.
Well, we're off on another school year and that means early bed times and W with a TON of free time (hopefully less than last year with her business and all) so this COULD all come crashing down but for now, it's pretty ok... for now.
