Return flight to limbo-land... GH Saga Cont.

[RBinBR]

Like I said, it's complicated. I wish it didn't sound like a bunch of excuses. Maybe it is, but I just can't seem to make this work on my own and if she isn't willing to help, well...

But GH, that's what we're all telling you ... you MUST insist on change in this area if your marriage is to have any chance. When your W was alone with OM, she got to feel like a sexy woman. When she is with you, she's a just a mommy, because the kids are always there. She doesn't get to be her sexy self with you (not that she really understands this right now). I think, at some level, you know that you're going to have to get her to boogie on a dance floor if she's going to boogie between the sheets.

GH, you need to sit down with your W and say, "Let's work out a plan right now to spend more time doing fun things without the kids. I have several ideas: blah, blah, blah." If she doesn't agree to your ideas you must ask her what her action plan is and you must both agree on when things will be done. Do this in an upbeat way, so that she knows you aren't doing it because you're upset with her.

I know that this process of negotiation and agreement is not natural for you, because you've talked about your passive/aggresive past. If you are a true P/A person, you probably are most used to dropping hints and nagging and pouting, but you need to start initiating discussions that end with agreements and action plans. You simply cannot let W blow you off. You MUST insist on resolving conflicts instead of just enduring them endlessly.

(Not that I have practiced what I am preaching here)