The whole "looks" thing can be touchy with women, and men. My H said, when I complimented him, it sounded insincere, b/c I HAD to say it. OK, where does that leave me? I also think it was b/c he was in REPLAY of MLC and frankly didn't hear anything I said as good.
But, I got a BIG lesson from your post about the "I'm too fat" conversation with W. I also tend to do the same thing with H's compliments, and he gets hurt and angry. He has said "when I say you're beautiful, listen, don't blow it off, that's mean." WOW. Big wake up call for me.
The deal is, women don't care what MEN think about their looks....they care more about what WOMEN and THEY THEMSELVES think about their looks. We are MUCH more critical. As far as OM...it's a fact of life. When someone else says you're pretty, it perks you more than the person who HAS TO say it to you (your spouse). I'm SURE if you met a pretty woman today that complimented you, it would perk you more than if W said it (OK, maybe now W saying it would be a REALLY NICE perk, but you get the point).
I LOVED your approach recently about the working out. My H did the same thing "I think you look great, but if you want to work out, I would be happy b/c I care about your health." That made a huge difference for me. He then started to gently (not in a disappointed way or anything) help me start working out, b/c he knew it was a goal of mine, not a goal of HIS. This was key...the support but acknowledgement that it was still MY goal and not his vision of a prettier W. All the while, he showered me with compliments on my progress, eating healthier, and how my body changed. That was GREAT.
So, what you said was great. You care about her HEALTH and her wanting this to be happy with HERSELF. Remember, she's not saying these things to you b/c she cares about what YOU think of her, it's more about how she feels about herself right now.
If you want to be really clever, and incorporate more "us" time and her goal of working out, how about walks each night with the family? Joining a gym with daycare and going with her? My workouts with H meant a lot...it was my way to spend time with him in the mornings when he had a hectic schedule (and he sacraficed to do this as well, as it made him a little later to work in the mornings). It made us feel that we were getting healthy TOGETHER....plus you get a huge boost in energy when working out and it's nice to share that with W.
