I agree, this "trying" thing is a self-defeating process, or it CAN be. I also think it's a necessary evil in sitches like ours. I could pull back now but I think progress is being made so I continue to "try" myself. I am NOT breaking my back anymore. She is starting to put forth some effort and also seems to be getting more comfortable with "us" in terms of being physically close to me. We have spent the past several nights "spooning" before falling asleep. She continues to respond to my "signals" or even my overt attempts to bring up our lack of intimacy by suggesting that there WILL be a time sooner rather than later.
As an aside, last night, in response to her saying she's too heavy, something I disagree with, I took a slightly different approach. I told her that I thought she was beautiful and just wanted her to be happy. I said that when I say "No you're not fat" I am not trying to discourage you from working out, getting in better shape or losing weight, what I am saying is that I think you look great. That's not to say you shouldn't work out. You need to feel good about yourself. Also, I owe you an apology (this got her). The other day I said I felt like there was never a time when "we" were together that you felt good about yourself (which started a fight because I was implying that she only felt that way with OM...partially true). I told her I realized that she was VERY happy with herself while we were in Ireland and we were a "we" on that trip for the most part so I take back what I said... but added that it was VERY nice to be with her then. She said "don't you WANT someone who is not content to sit on the couch and get fat?" I replied "Of course, but more than that, I want to be with someone who is finally happy with themselves however they are. If working out more and getting into better shape makes you happy, then I'm all for it."
So the clincher to all this convo was, after a bit of a pause, I ended with "Oh, BTW, if you think I am going to ML to you before you lose all those pounds, you've got another thing coming fata$$." (BTW, this WAS a joke because she is FAR from fat at 100 lbs...no chance of her taking real offense at this). She laughed a lot and gave me the little "Oh REALLY smile." I muttered "It's true, I have standards you know." and walked off with a big smile. It was a good little exchange and I THINK may have helped diffuse what has been somewhat of a contentious subject in the past (the gym, working out, her weight, etc.)
Who knows, but as Mama has been saying, what is going on now FEELS like progress and I think while I feel like progress is being made I will probably keep on keepin on.
