Sounds like you and W are at a point when you can talk about resolutions. Sounds like you're taking the lead on this, b/c of your diligent DB efforts and trying that you've done for so long, but then also frustrated with W for not trying.
How about flipping the tables, a little forcefully. It's kinda PA to do all the work, and then get frustrated when W does not put effort....it's just a pattern you have to shake and kinda make her take the lead.
So, sounds like you already have, but tell W that you have tried a lot of things that don't seem to match up, and what does SHE think you should do? What does SHE suggest? If she suggests, point her to the ACTION part of doing it (so, you think we should call XX?? When do you think you can call?). If she thinks of nothing, then say "OK, so it looks like we can't go out. No worries" Just so she knows that you're not to blame, you tried and initiated, and her lack of effort was a big part of this.
It kinda breaks the dynamic that you find frustrating....you are the giver and she is the receiver and no turn in that. This pushes it back....and kinda gets you to more normal marital dynamics of finding solutions.
