Is This Where I Belong?

[cat03]

Hi there and welcome, we here at piecing have fought a lot with the same issues you have now, anger, betrayal and trust, we understand totally.

It wouldnt' be normal if you didn't feel that way, it's understandable, it hurts so much that our S's were with others and lots of us here have torture ourselves thinking it over and over and over...sickening ourselves.
I have just gone over that journey, there wasn't a day when I didn't think about my H and the OP, about the details, the things they did together, would check on him and overall through my snooping made myself more resentful and thus made things worse between us.

Check out Hopefloat's post "que sera sera" Once the MLC's leave the mothership, we shouldn't take them back there and point at their failures, remind them of their mistakes. By pondering about the OP we don't let us heal, we dont' let our S's heal. I feel so free now, I dont' have that monkey on my back, I can see that it took a lot from my H to come back, many, like my dear Always_14 have their H stuck on the blame and limbo of not being able to come back nor able to give anything to anyone.

Your H is back, you both get a second chance, what happened w/the OP was just him trying to feel a void with just ANYbody, it wasnt' about the OPs, it was him trying to quench his frustation with some sort of distraction, they meant nothing.

I remember crying and more than a few times telling my C "but it isn't fair!" when I felt I was shortchanged, and he said "no, it isn't" because we are the ones who have to forgive more. But, if we want these men as our Hs and we can see in our hearts we still love them it's our decision if we want them for good or not. And we have to forgive TOTALLY, for both our sakes.
Your H sounds like he is trying to earn your trust, which is good and what he should be doing. It will take a while, I barely trusted my H either, up to last month I still checked on him, his phone and stuff. Now I refuse to snoop and my trust has grown more each month, it does take time.

Welcome and be patient hun, it's ok to feel bumbed now and then, but let's enjoy that we have our family's back together again)))))))))))))