Hello everyone, I've moved over from MLC and I do hope this is the new forum that I belong in. Here are the links to my old threads. In chronological order....oldest to newest:
This may be a bit long, so I apologize in advance. Here's us: Me: 27 H: 31 Married 8 years, together 10 S3, and SS10
H dropped the bomb on Thanksgiving '05. Confessed to me about OGW(other gay woman) February 6th, 2006. Also confessed about F's neice (kissed her) and OW (ex gf) on this date also. Decided to work on our M on that day. Kissed OGW again (and went to her house to drink and get "closure") at the end of April. Told me that he was sorry, and made a mistake. H said he was testing himself, but failed horribly. Been around home a lot ever since. Also, he never left our home. Talked about it all the time, but never followed through.
Things on the home front have been great. We get along well, and our sex lives are better. (Sex was one of H's major complaints in our M.) H has had some major childhood issues, and have come to terms with them. He knows that I love him unconditionally and that I accept him for who he is. Flaws and all.
H used to tell me that he had no emotions. He loved me but wanted to be alone. Wanted to be with other women, and wanted us to be friends. He did kiss other women, as inappropriate as it was. OGW was his employee, and could have resulted in him losing his job and a possible sexual harrassment suit.
I honestly don't know what the turn around was. Maybe the guilt was too much for him. Because although he claimed that he thought our kids would be "fine". I know deep down he knew that wasn't true. H also come from a broken family. He said that was the worst thing in his life. Knowing his Mom and Dad didn't live together, etc.
He no longer questions the changes that I have made to make our R and M a better one. He did a lot of questioning prior, which I can understand. But, I have stuck by and through all this. As difficult as it has been.
Now, I am dealing with a lot of issues. Most have subsided, but still pop up to the surface sometimes. I get angry about the OW and what he was doing. All the lying is the biggest hurdle to get over. I have lots of trust issues with him and hanging out with co-workers after work. (H would go to "happy hour" with OGW and her gf.)
H has been making his efforts to make me feel secure. He calls all the time, for no reason. And to let me know what time he'll be home, etc. if he's out. H no longer seems to want to "run away" from our kids. He seems to enjoy spending time with them now. I've noticed a big change with S3 in that matter. S3 would never be excited about H coming home, or S3 coming home and seeing Dad. Now, when S3 comes home from daycare, he runs to Dad. Gives a big hug and kisses. I know my H LOVES this. I think it's because S3 feels wanted now.
We are going out of town this weekend. H called MIL to see if she would be willing to watch S3. (As many parents know you don't always get to be "alone" a lot.) H told MIL that he wanted to take "his wife" out and do some fun things alone.
I guess, I don't know really why I am posting here. But, I do know I need to deal with the little ball of anger I have inside. Along with my trust issues. I've seen C's before and am on AD's. I used to have anxiety attacks, but resolved those on my own. (I was on meds, but detached so much that the anxiety attacks are gone.)
How does one deal with the anger of betrayal? Or deal with trust issues?
I think I've grown a lot over the past several months, but am dealing now with a lot of strange feelings. Sometimes feeling like I got the short end of the stick. Sometimes feeling like I should be overjoyed that he decided to come back to me. But, feel like I should have just booted him to the curb.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
P&S
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
