Here's my story, and I'll try to make it brief. Last Jan, H told me he doesn't love me anymore. 2 weeks later he moved out to "stay with a friend". Later found out there was OW in the picture. He said she had nothing to do with it, that our problems had been building for 2 years (news to me). In March, I told him I wanted a D. WIthin days, he came home and asked me to take him back. I said yes, if we worked on our marriage and if he stopped contact with OW. He agreed. One week later, I found out that he was still talking to her and said that he couldn't get her out of his life for good. So, i told him to leave. He moved in with her, which is where he lived for 2 months.
During this time, we went to mediation and started D proceedings. But he kept delaying getting a lawyer. During all of this, i was trying to build myself up, GAL and figure out how to live life without him. He would come by a few times a week to watch the kids, but for the most part, I've had full responsibility for them the whole time.
One day, he told me that he never loved OW, that the only person he could ever love was me, but that somewehre along the way, he lost his ability to feel things for people. He also said he was going to start therapy. It was this same conversation where he told me he got an appartment of his own across town. He said that he and OW "aren't going to be together anymore".
A week later, after his 1st counseilng session, he came to me and asked if we could work on the marriage. Explained that OW was simply trying to fill a void that he wanted to fill with me. That she was more of a buddy (who he slept with, of course), than anythign. So, i agreed to take him back. He agreed to marriage counseling and to continuing his own therapy. During the next two weeks, I continually asked him about OW. It was pretty much every day we got into a conversation. He said he woudn't go back to her again. Guess what... on Memorial Day, he went back to her for a few days. He lied about it of course, until i caught him. He then said that he needed to confirm that he didn't have feelings for her anymore. And that's what he did and that he was sure he was making the right decision by staying with me. Finally, i took him back once again.
Over the next 6 weeks, we worked on teh marriage... on having fun, building the friendship, the physical stuff, etc... I did still ask quesiotns about OW, but nto as much. I thought things were giong well. He was planning on moving back in on Aug 1. Then he started pulling away again and saying that he didn't knwo if we could survive this. That's how I knew she was back in the picture.
Sure enough, two weeks ago, he went back to her for a few nights. He was with her. Then he come home to me and told me how much he loved me. Then when I saw her calling on his cell phone, he came clean and said that he had a connection with her that he doesn't have with me. That things with me were forced. I told him that I had made a commitment to stand by him through whatever he was giong through. But that i didn't want to keep being cheated on. We went to counseling the next day, and he was saying more of the same... would be easier to start over with someone new, he had a connectino with her, etc... Our MC explained to him that his R with OW was fantasy land and it doesn't incorporate the elements of real life. Plus she had no idea he had been back with me for 2 months. We agreed to spend time apart during that week. I took that to mean that were separated again.
2 days later, he told me that he ended it with her (again) and wanted to work our our marriage. He still maintains that I am waht he wants and he doesn't want to lose me and the kids. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to believe him, but he's said all of this before. So, i find myself now giving him another chance. But as I am diong that, I'm reading into his every action and gesture. WHen he doesn't call first thing in the morning, i get anxious. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I do feel there is love between us, but he is clearly conflicted.
Can anyone help me? What should I do next? I want to save my marraige, but how much more of this am i to take? ANyone else have experience with H or W going back to OW multiple times?
