loosing hope and hurting

[seporateddadof2]

I decided to wait until next mo. to try to start any R talk because this mo. is my W and my D4 birthdays. Today my W called and said that she didnt see us getting back together and wants to move forward with the D. I told her that that was fine with me and I respect her dicision. She sounded surprized and asked if i would resent her be mean to her or something like that. I told her I would continue to be nice and polite to her as I have been during our seporation. I also told her that I dont want to be devorced but I love her enough to let her go. I have gone as far as I can with out her in my DB efforts so if she wants out there is nothing I can do about it and Im ok with that. I know that I will find love elsewhere and I will be ok. We talked a while and I told her that we could give our R a chance using a good SBT councelor and the tools in DB and DR books. We can always get divorced later I said. She started to cry and didnt want to talk anymore cause she was at work. I brought her lunch and we sat and talked (not R talk)
I think we may be making a plan to talk more later this week. Im not going to push anything this mo. but If she wants to talk about D then I wont run away either. I know she loves me, I have no doubt about that. she isnt mean or angry when we talk she sounds hurt but loving. I dont know why we cant get over this hump given that we both love each other and I have become a pretty good DBer. The only thing I can figure is that whats done is done and there is nothing I can do to change it. She has made her dicision and refuses to see the possibility of Us. If that is the case then there isnt anything I can do about it and I accept that. So is she serious this time? will she drop papers in my lap? or will this be the beginning of some productive R talk? I dont know. I do know that I will be ok either way and I will get through. I have gotten quite an education over the past 6 mo. And I have progressed by leaps and bounds. hurray me. Sooo any advice is welcome. a good 180 or something to help us get over this hump would be appreciated