loosing hope and hurting

[seporateddadof2]

I had a short conversation with my W on Wed to make a time to talk about our goals and future. She seemed stressed and said we would talk soon. I realized it was bad timing to be asking for anything so I backed off. She said we would make a time to talk the next day. The next day she called to chat and to ask a favor. I agreed to the favor and said I had to go without mentioning OR talk date. I dont want to talk R if she is stressed. Today she called at 8AM and I ignored it. At 11AM she called again and I answered it by accident. oops...She said she only called to chat. I cheerleaded and thanked her then she asked me If I was still going to buy her half of the house equity WHEN we get divorced. I said of course is that what you want? She said yes that she was done with men and she didnt want to be with anyone for a while, She sounded angry so I asked if everything was ok. she said she didnt want to talk about it. Then she started getting mad at me about what I spend my money on. Saying things wernt fair and I have tons of money, go on trips, have fun etc., while she struggles. This isnt true but I didnt say so. for once I only listened. So much so that when she paused there was only silence. I confirmed what she was saying and validated her often nothing more. She said she had to go work on something and hung up. I felt pretty good after that conversation. I felt semi-detached enough to think clearly anyway. I recognized she wasnt really angry with me. I was her friend. I dont think she meant the D thing she was being hurt and upset. After a couple hours I stopped by her office and gave her some $$.
I told her I would have sent her flowers but I thought she would like some $$ since she brought it up as an issue. She wasnt mad any more. She even apologised. Aparently she and OM had a fight and he called her a fat @ss. She is very sensitive to this subj. Huge insecurity of hers. He only said it because he knew it was the worst thing he could have said to hurt her. And it did. I have been telling her she looks great for weeks now and I said it again. I got a real hug and a loving look. I went in for the kiss and struck out. She didnt get mad she just said she cant right now. I told her she is still my W and I hope she stays that way. She told me we would talk about that soon. we said our good byes and I left. In my sitch listening, not debating, validating, and generosity with money are all 180s even the good persuit is a 180. I feel like I handled my self like a DBer today. I feel good about that. I feel bad that my W feelings were hurt by OM today. Oooh the things I would like to do to him. I hope this is a sign of things falling apart with them. He really F#@KED up! If her pattern repeats its self here she wont let him forget it soon either.