I agree with you Lil. What does is threatening to withdraw his supply (the supply he doesn't even use)?
These LD guys can be "turned on" and still take sex or leave it. They can be there with you naked and willing and STILL not be interested. Depends on the people and baggage involved. I can see myself gradually drifting away from wanting a sexual R with B and not feeling as bad at I used to feel, with some of the alternatives.
What is in Mr. K1'a mind, I have no idea. What is in Lil's bf's mind I can sort of guess what some of the dilemmas are for him.
My point is that the tasks we perform in order to make ourselves desirable and appealing to our mates DO make us desirable and appealing, but the mate still doesn't want to have sex. Lil. I did understand it that way. I posted what would satisfy me as a contrast to the picky stuff some SO's get lavished on them and still sex doesn't happen often enough.
Even if these things increase satisfaction in the marriage, fill the spouse's Love Tank, Sometimes I do them hoping the r will improve. Sometimes I do these things because it makes me feel better, more like a H I have in mind, and because it hopefully makes up for some of my shortcomings.
the thing that makes the LD spouse occasionally reach for sex (i.e., ACT on the desire) is a mystery and outside our control I have to agree with you here.
Schnarch wants people to know that just because a SO is LD with you, the SO might be HD with another person, so don't think a LD SO would never cheat. Schnarch also gives examples of some excuses the LD used to lessen the hurt to the HD SO.
Karen1 said I doubt he sees himself as LD - he just has lots of reasons why sex isn't convenient, or doesn't make sense or whatever he thinks of. I have had times where the weight of the world seemed to be my responsibility. Tax days, kids dental or dance bills, working 45 hours on commission and getting paid about 25 hours worth of work.
When I was a kid, things got turned off. We did without. When I got M, those things were not going to happen no matter what, so I frequently carried the internal burden that put sex after some other things on occasions.
I have attempted to analyze whether I produce any similar dynamic in my R. I have even gone so far as to ask H questions along those lines. He totally denies negative feelings toward me on any of those topics. I suppose you ask him what he sees as sexy with in you. The MWD KLA CD stress on reinforcing the positives in a R.
How much of your R could be your H sees himself as sexy but he doesn't want to come off as sex crazed, even though you want some sex crazing.
Some females have a good girl image they stick to, well so do some guys. They have a decent male picture in their head. Investigate what your H's decent male picture consists of, what it's limits look like, and some of his ethics when he was a teenager or in his early 20's. You might get a peek at what goes on in his mind.
I could tell you about my mental pictures but your H/bf/SO are different.
