Interesting observation, Mojo (as usual). To extend the hypothesis: you can lose 20 lbs, keep the house clean, cook his favorite stuff and that doesn't make him want to fcku you. What does is threatening to withdraw his supply (the supply he doesn't even use)?
It is interesting to explore what actually TRIGGERS the LD spouse to seek out sex. My bf has never sought it since he stopped drinking, but some of y'all have said that eventually your spouse seems interested... when a set of conditions (what conditions?) have been met or when an indicator of some sort says the tank is low. I'm hypothesizing that these triggers and indicators don't have anything to do with 1) whether he loves you, 2) whether he finds you attractive or, indeed, is even "turned on" by you. These LD guys can be "turned on" and still take sex or leave it. They can be there with you naked and willing and STILL not be interested. On those occasions where they are interested, the reason appears to have nothing to do with you. THAT'S the aggravating part.
Lou, your sitch is different...
Quote: Lil wrote: keep the house spic and span, bring them a beer after din-din and watch football... or rub their feet (Lou), bring them flowers, love their pets..
Lou: House sort of clean but not spic & span is fine. I can get my own beer and bring you your favorite drink. Football, no. How about Mythbusters or PBS NOVA, then maybe a movie like Dances With wolves. Rub my feet? How about me doing you? Flowers, maybe. Icecream is better. Being good to the pets is required, but love???? As long as it is not overdone. Save the love for the real people you come in contact with.
I think you missed my point. My point is that the tasks we perform in order to make ourselves desirable and appealing to our mates DO make us desirable and appealing, but the mate still doesn't want to have sex. So whether the house is messy, sort of clean, really clean, or spic and span is irrelevant. Rubbing BB's feet or NOT rubbing them... doesn't matter. It's a nice thing to do, but does not create a climate where sex is more likely to happen.
These things don't trigger the ACTION of the LD spouse reaching out for sex. Even if these things increase satisfaction in the marriage, fill the spouse's Love Tank, or even if they create some sexual desire--- the thing that makes the LD spouse occasionally reach for sex (i.e., ACT on the desire) is a mystery and outside our control.
