Mojo, I guess the way I pursue a man is to look for ways that I can be his soulmate... not in a way that falsifies who I am... but I see something he wants or wants to be and I get that for him or encourage him to get that for himself.
From what I know of your R, it sound like this is exactly what you have. You have filled his needs and he is quite happy with you.
So I guess I want a man to see into my soul, too, and honor what he sees there.
This is the part you have not pursued. There is an aspect of entitlement to this way of thinking. Assuming that a dysfunctional person like your bf has the insight and compassion to do this, and should be doing it, may be what is disappointing you. Feeling that you have no control over this and are at his whims (whether he decides to give this to you or not) may be creating resentment in you. Unless you can wrestle it out of him, why would he need to volunteer it? After all, he is happy (as happy as he knows how to be).
I do think he has this innate ability within him. He seems like a very caring person. But the connection of these actions to his emotions seems to be buried deep under his defenses. I also wonder whether those very defenses and his conditioning at the hands of his mom are what “make” him do the caring things he does.
