Re GEL I've literally had to sit in front of my H and repeat (sometimes up to 7 times) "that's not what I said....." before he would begin to hear what I was actually saying to him. GEL, I have been repeating my idea over in several different ways.
It's exhausting to do this, believe me I know....but I've found the effort well worthwhile. Is it working? I would say sometimes. And yes, it is exhausting.