Re Cally Lou that was a very rude thing to say. Cally, I said I "feel" I didn't say anything about telling her directly. There are lots of things I "feel" that I don't say because I know it isn't what I consider fair or dignified. And I di say to the best of my ability how I feel, without getting nasty.
On balance I hold more in than I let out IRL because I know what I have to say might be considered mean spirited. BB is the one to let the daggers fly more so than me. I do my best to be assertive and in control but I don't think BB sees it that way. I think she sees me as not putting all of the cards on the table and I play my nasty cards first. I don't agree with her POV that I and other people play the nasty cards. As usual/common a lot of people feel others are less caring than they are. This is something I can't fix or change.
Your posts seem very one sided as in BB does this and says that That is because I feel that way. Because that is what happens, what is said. I wish I could read BB mind and know what her intentions really are. I hear the words and try to calm some things down, but no luck most of the time till several days later.
I would bet if my husband and I were in the age bracket as you and your wife and I seen him suffering with back problems already knowing he had back problems in the past it would worry me. Yes, I agree with some of this line of thinking.
Sometimes I am fine in a couple of hours. Sometimes it takes several days. BB talks like the next episode of a back problem might last years.
Her comment sounds like mine would and that is out of love and concern. I see that. It is her all knowing, panic stricken delivery that is part of the problem. Similar to going some where, taking a road she thinks is not the best and complaining or being negative. Her unfounded fear of not finding a seat in a food place, too much traffic, IE being a doom and gloom person.
You take it as all she thinks about is when you die To me BB seems obsessed with dieing. She gets up and reads the obituaries everyday, then what else went wrong in the neighborhood.
My grandma had told me she was no longer interested in a sexual relationship past 65 or 65 she couldn't remember exact. She said it began to hurt and just wasn't as appealing after all the years of doing it. What did your GM do about it? Yes, I think it's about 25% of older women sex is a problem physically. Today there are some solutions that weren't talked about years ago. Then there are the people in their 80's that still enjoy sex.
It's the missmatch that is the real root of the problem.
But I also think you should be a little understanding because this could be very much hurting her I have been understanding. I feel bad it hurts her. I look for solutions to her problems. I look for ways to give up sex.
She develops a problem and lately it has been me who solved the issue. This has happened for many, many years. With a little help, some of the problems were easy to fix but she didn't see it that way.
This (the easier problems) has been going on for 10+ years. Now she has a problem with sex that I have found some solutions that work for some women (I read some forums where women post to each other concerning sexual problems ) but BB doesn't think much will work for her as usual.
I guess I am at a point, I am tired of pushing the issue of sex. Your are right I don't want to be selfish and hurt BB deep down with in me. After 10+ years of trying to maintain a part of the R I like and putting so much effort in, to See it dwindle to nothing again has me to a point where I don't know if I want to try much more. If I give up on sex, I suppose I should stop trying to convince BB it is OK and doable to make a left hand turn in traffic if one waits for the appropriate time to execute the move. To BB, sometimes it is not worth driving in traffic or going a few miles to Wal-Mart because there are too many people out and about.
BB did go to the Dr. but mostly to confirm her belief that once past a certain age, her equipment is not up to par. She didn't go to seek answers and that is what has me in despair.
Alternatives to sex and regular intercourse? Yes I would be interested but BB said no to that. She would rather do the real thing and will put up with the discomfort. She throws in some guilt words to boot.
Cally, I see you generally post the common woman's view that can take or leave sex. I understand where you might be coming from but don't see it as a take it or leave it thing for me or the R has to be very good before sex happens.
I see sex as a part of a R, and when something derails the sexual part of the R, some people like me, people with a strong sex drive, part of us dies. Part of our R dies.
Yes I feel deep sympathy for BB but I haven't found my switch to just turn off the sexual side of me.
That pot is still boiling. I turned down the heat, removed some of the fuel, let the steam vent once in a while. What pressure is left is still a problem for me and for the R. What is left is becoming acidic and somewhat corrosive. Right now, that is the best way I can describe my feelings.
One more thing I know you said your wife keeps things really neat. Most things.
MY gosh it sounds like you have an awful lot of things lying around. Yes I do. Maybe $5K to $8K worth of printer, copier and fax supplies and parts. BB wants me to throw it away.
I just took about a 2 hr break form the forum and sold ($340 retail) worth of supplies and service for $210.
BB and I have a different opinion of what is worth more. My inventory in the basement and garage or her no clutter wishes. BTW, Nothing is in the main living area.
I told BB if I die to get a commercial dumpster and hire 2 guys for a day and throw everything out or call my competitor friend and give him everything.
AS neat clean freaks we can't help it. As a conservatist, recycler, practical financially, get the most good for the buck, give good deals to my customers, I guess I can't help that either.
Cally, thanks for posting and your POV. I do consider different POV's.
